#59

Sneezing is an art. Enjoying the tickle at the back of the nose, the flaring of the nostrils, and the final release is sheer beauty. Contorted faces are an added bonus.

Peace

Found mine in music. Music just sings to my soul. And 5am is when I am most peaceful. Gentle music in the ears. Strains of violin and an occasional spattering of the flute. My feet pounded the pavement. My best friend in the whole world can not understand how I keep time to the music when I am running. I can not explain it. My internal clock can but I can't. I just run.
The air is cool. Not the kind that gives you bites but the kind that makes you want more. The minute you step indoors you know you are missing the outdoors. The rejuvenating chill. An elusive smell in the air. I can not make my mind up. I think it is flowers, then it turns a little musty, the smell of earth, then a little sharp- the smell of mowed grass. My olfactory receptors have begun to assimilate it all. Makes a heady mix- it does. I think I might be on the threshold to heaven.
Then there are the vehicles. In a distance it seems like a beast is coming at me with bright eyes. They whiz past me mildly, slightly misplacing the air around me. I sometimes wonder what business the drivers are upto. Contributes to a mystery- the ever curious mind.
My heart is now beating rhythmically to my feet. At the beginning it struggles to wake up from slumber and catch up to the moving feet. But now, I am in sync. I am working up a sweat..ha ha..reminds me of a phrase- "Horses sweat, boys perspire and girls glow." No such fancy delicacy for me. I sweat. period.
It is fascinating to see the roads bend and turn and to see dawn slowly creeping up. The tentative chirping of the big birds and the tenacious tones of the little ones.
I drink it all in. I also take a few greedy sips of water. I am almost home.
I reach the driveway. I slow down. Bend over and touch my toes. I feel charged. I feel vibrant. I feel peaceful.
I open the door and I hear the clang of the bowls, the smell of coffee, the sound of 2 showers running and my husband singing the national anthem, God knows why! My dog comes bounding and almost knocks me down.
Hide now, in my heart, my friend, my peace. I will seek you out tomorrow and exchange sweet nothings then..

Anger

Red. The colour on the traffic signal represented everything I felt. A couple of bikes to my right were inching out of the line onto the intersection. Why? Why couldn't they wait a couple more seconds. The walking signal now showed a stop to those wishing to cross. One guy with headphones came running the last second.
I felt anger. No I felt rage. The green signal came on. I paused for a second and promptly was goaded by a horn. A second delay and they had no patience. See this is what was wrong with people. No patience. And the second I moved, the car behind me decided to overtake me from the back and move to the front. And we were stuck at yet another signal. How many signals? Especially for those who had no regard for them nor the patience.
One guy flipped me for moving at the designated speed limit. Another yelled at me for switching on the indicator a requisite 10 feet away from my turn. If they did not want to follow the rules, why take the test and pass them, go on through the trouble of wasting time and energy put into issuing of a license?
Driving always brings out the worst in me. I have failed the test 3 times and I know now the entire book of instructions like I know the menu of my favorite diner.
Particularly today, I am furious. I am just returning from a funeral of my nephew. He was 18. He was killed in an accident that involved alcoholic drivers. He was innocent. And he was following the rules.
I felt justified in feeling the anger. Now there was this guy who moved into my lane without signaling and I had to hit my brakes to avoid collision.
To hell with it. I sped up. I could see the taillights. I could see them real close. And closer.
I hit the car. The air bag blew up on my face. I was slightly suffocated, but it felt good. The ferric taste of my blood. The incessant beeping of my horn. The sudden brakes. The sound of cars skidding to a stop and taking a last minute change of lane felt good.
This rage felt good. And releasing it felt good.
The color red felt good.

Courage

Not what I was really feeling. I wish I could bury myself back in the covers again. But no, the world called and I had to answer. Last night was a sleepless one. Although the bed was warm, my heart was cold. The moon was gentle and the stars burned brightly, but time..time moved slowly.

As dawn broke, I stayed behind the curtains, letting the energy seep in through my skin. And I could see the horizon lighten. Birds flew in flocks, beginning what was their journey for the day. The roads were starting to fill up with people. They initially shuffled along, but as time went, they started moving faster. Hundreds of people, going about their lives.

And here I was. Shrinking to even look at the masses. One man had violated me. And so many others stood looking. I was afraid, I felt desperate and I cried. I lost my dignity. I lost me. I was broken. I had rejected my family. I had spurned my friends.I did not think they would understand. I had stood alone then, I stood alone now.

There would be glances, you see. Whispers.."The poor little thing", they would say. "So sad, what happened", they would say. All this and no one seemed to understand. No one showed me how it could be overcome.

But now, I don't need them. I am going to step out. My head held high. Accidents happen, things go wrong. I won't be defeated by them. I will not let them take my life. I have lost so much already. I am going to get it all back. I know there will be bumps, I will cross them. I know things have not been great in a while, but change is ahead. I know that all this while, I was in a cocoon.

Now I will fly.

Sorrow

In every fiber of my being. It was a physical ache. I used to wonder what that meant when I read that phrase- "physical ache", now I know. It is an aching void. I feel that all the air around me has been  sucked and I am trying to breathe in a vacuum. I am doing the best I can to not, yet I do. I live.
You are not.
I used to wonder how it would be after spending my entire life with you. As children, we met when our families met- which was frequently. As adolescents I tried ignoring your curious yet shy glances that followed me. As grown-ups, I knew that my future lay with you. I courted you and wooed you, until you decided to give in to me. We had a unique harmony. We never had a fight. Arguments yes, but never fights. I could not imagine a second of my life with you being silent.
And here is this huge and vast silence.
All these years, I never pondered on the mysteries of the afterlife. My only thoughts right now are if that, if there is one, I hope to meet you there.I look at reminders all over the house. My heart throbs with your absence and I lose you once again. Everyday I come up with a forgotten memory and I lose you once again.
My pain now is more than the day I lost you. You left me bereft with only a smile. You went on the journey and here I am still finding my way.
From today till eternity, searching and feeling and wondering...when?

#30

When packing, the item seems to have mysteriously grown bigger than the box it was originally packed in.

Fear

Snaked up and down my spine. It clenched my heart and would not let go. I was afraid. Not for the first time and definitely not for the last time, I am sure. But at this moment, this fear was all that I could think. It was all consuming. I thought I could not breathe and looked left and right to see if people thought I was dead. Nobody paid any attention- nobody cared. So I assumed I was probably alive.

The water felt a little cold to my toes. A chill ran through my entire body. I shivered and got in deeper. I wished that I could just jump out of the water. Evolution had forgotten to give us that kind of lower body strength or wings so I stayed in there with my arms wrapped across my chest. The water slowly seemed to get warmer.

I decided to take a few test breaths inside the water. I counted to three and came gasping outside for the fear that if I stayed in too much I might drown. That was my fear- drowning. And it gripped me in a iron-hold.

I saw children frolicking nearby and wondered at the naivete of youth and age. I knew the hazards of drowning and thereby was more susceptible to its fear. I knew I would drown and no one would help. I was afraid.

I tried holding my breath again. This time I kept my eyes open.Everything was blurred.Time and my fingers counted faster than reality and I came gasping out. I still wanted someone to assure me that I won't drown. No one did. I was afraid.

I held the wall of the pool and let go of the bottom of the pool. My legs floated to the top. I faced down in the water and tried holding my breath. My eyes were closed. The counting seemed comparatively slower. 

I was still afraid, but I knew I would not drown anymore. It was but 3 feet of water. I assured myself.

And then I walked out of the pool. Enough for today. I can crusade against my fear tomorrow.

Disgust

All over my face. I could not stop from emoting that particular feeling. I heard a constant ringing and my ears felt hot. My cheeks turned red too. I often wondered why they turn red, when it was not pleasantness that I felt! Shame, partly, I think.
A new bottom- for humanity, I think. How could they? And right in front of the school building too. What was supposed to be pure, noble and innocent had just witnessed disgusting exhibition of immorality. And no one stopped it. No one spoke a word against it. Everyone averted their eyes and moved away. As if by not seeing it they could forget it happened.
She was crying. She felt violated. And I could see her loathing in her eyes. Yet her tears spoke off the dignity she had lost. She was also confused. Nobody had taught her the ways of the world. She had just stepped into womanhood. She had not yet met these people- the ones who raked her with their eyes, the ones with their fingers constantly straying over her skin. I felt incredibly sorry for her, sorry that my gender had caused such distress to her. I wanted to reassure her. But I could only feel disgust, at myself for not standing up to defend her; disgust that such blatantly evil people still walked free; disgust that I was not man enough.
And then I averted my gaze and moved away..trying to forget what I saw happen!
Disgusted..

#91

All babies in a room will flock to one toy.They will fight for it until it is broken or taken away after which they all flock towards the next one. This goes on until the parent loses interest and decides to give up; that's when the babies move on too.

Selfish father

I am a selfish father.
Yes, I have no qualms about admitting that. Ask me how much I love chocolate fudge and I will lie. But ask me what kind of a father I am and I will tell you straight on- a selfish one.
I am determined to give my son the best. Be it education or be it sports I want him to have all the privileges. If it means that I have to stand in a line at 5am in the morning for entry into an office that opens at 10am, let me tell you, I will be there with my tent and coffee. If it means that a college will accept my son because he is a good sportsman, let me tell you, I will help him master his sport at any cost, even if I have to sell my house on top of the loans that I already have.
I am a selfish father. If it means that I will have to switch on the lights to see my son study, disturbing my wifes' sleep, then I will do it without a second thought. If my son is sick and needs attention, and if there's a queue, I will quite not care about what the nation thinks of its leader and what the person before me thinks either. I will try jumping the line and yes I will. If there's a fire, be it upon me to push my son out the first, then maybe I will spare a thought to my mother.
If his happiness is with a girl whose father is against it, trust me to be the first one to think of foolproof plans to help them elope. I will also be the one to talk to him and coax/cajole/coerce him to think like me. I am selfish, yes!
I will brag about my son, I will not let you talk about yours. Even if he farts or even if he burps, his achievement is greater than yours. Period.
I am a selfish father..but most of all I love my son too well and too deeply. His future is what I dream of at nights, his happiness is what keeps me moving through day. I am a selfish father and I have no qualms in admitting it.

Random Voyeur

I am a random voyeur. I do not mean to see things, but I do. And I wonder what will happen next. I do not mean to hear things, but I do and I wonder what will happen next. I see people doing things- I do not mean to and I wonder what will happen next.

I am in the most easiest position to judge. And I do. I zestfully take part in all that is going on around me even if it is none of my business. I love the peek into someone's personality. The momentary downfall of humanity and morality is thrilling to watch. I do not hesitate to offer advise on how a thing can be done. I love the surprise in the eyes of the people when I comment on their going-ons. Some are offended but stay quiet- these are the ones that I love preying on the most. Some talk back- it just excites me even more. Some ignore me; well, they do, but I still am interested about the topic as much as I was earlier. In short, I am!

I am a random voyeur. I sit next to you in the bus, stand next to you in the train. I am there when you read a book,silently accompanying you in all the pages and making no pretense at shame. I am there when you have your heart broken and seek refuge in crowds; I single you out with my constant stare- I invade your privacy. I am there ahead of you in a line and listen to each and every single word you speak on the phone.

I am random voyeur and you can not get rid of me.

#53

1. I want it, I am buying it.

2. I don't really need it, I am buying it.

3. I don't have it, I am buying it.

4. She's got it, I am buying it.

Whatever the reason..hold on to the receipt. (Exchanges, returns and substitutions- conditions apply)

Night and day

It was dark.
The thoughts oppressed her. She could not breathe. Sometimes she woke up in the middle of night and try as she might could not sleep again. Sleep to begin was elusive in itself. Her dreams were dark, reflecting her innermost fears. She remembers when her dreams were too true and had made her wake with a start. Her next action would be to try and reverse what she did in her dream. Only then she knew they were dreams. She would hasten to seek comfort from those around her- a familiar scent, the rustle of the wind, the creak of the bed. Sometimes they comforted her sometimes they did not. But sometimes she slept- like the proverbial baby!
It was light.
She had so much to do. Her nerves were already thrumming with excitement and she had a cool feeling in her stomach and butterflies flew in them. She stuttered in her eagerness to be off to do something. She hoped her she could spread her feelings around and breathe them back in. She kept saying how joyous the day was. How beautiful the day was and how much she was looking forward to the future. She knew in her heart that she could find her destiny and her happiness.
It was dark.
It was light.
It was dark...
It was light...

Air

As light as air..That is what you are. You fill my heart with a beautiful warm lightness. I was told having you would change my life. It did- for the better. Every day and every minute seems to be perfect only because of you. And the other moments when you are not with me, I yearn for the warmth of your hands in mine, your breath on my neck.
Mornings are gloomy until the minute you wake up, only then my sun shines. You are a tornado. Of energy, of laughter and smiles, of love. It is so easy to love you, as easy as breathing the air.
And like the wind, you change so quickly. If you feel sad, you cry and the next minute you are back to walking in the clouds. You make life seem so easy. And I wonder at the importance of everything else when I all I want to do is just watch you sleep. The glee you show when I pick you up and throw you high, the confidence and knowledge that you have that I would be there to catch you humbles me. Yet it makes me feel so big.
You fill my world, you fill my soul and you fill my life.
Air completes the cycle of life and you are my ether.

#84

Someone causes gnawing annoyance by singing a song that sticks in our head for the entire day which is furthered by the fact that we wouldn't know the song or the lyrics or even the name of the singer to look it up. Compounded by the fact that we only remember the tune vaguely but it still won't go.

Water

I have never seen my mother flustered. Never seen her anything other than calm. Always kept her cool.

Even when we arrived at the last minute to a competition, she would take a deep breath and center herself.  For a minute, everything stopped, then began spinning crazy fast like it does in movies. She would multi-task all the time. Cooking, while talking on the phone to her friend who was going through a crisis, serving hot food to my father who was telling her about his day, correcting my mistakes in my homework and watching the television for snatches of her favorite mystery series. She would do all this in a smooth motion.

I have never seen her say one hot word. Her words were always measured. Her tone was lilting and even she was reproachful of the mess I had made trying to make a Sandwich, she was cleaning up the mess as she told me how I had used too much of Salt in it. She was right.

Relatives were never a problem. She maneuvered through them with ease. Never the one to shirk responsibility, she never gave up on even the ones who did not understand her. She was giving and she knew she could make do with the least that was offered to her. Where there were stones, she flowed over them like a river does over pebbles and smoothened things over.

I have never seen her anything but calm. Even when the disease ravaged her body, she was centered. And when the doctors told her she beat the disease, she offered a smile that said she knew it all along. And even in the cacophony of the monitors that are hooked to her pulse and heart, in the low light of the hospital, she asks me if all of us have eaten. Her husband, her grandchildren, her son-in-law and me. I tell her we have,

And goes to sleep, with that slight smile knowing her world is good, full and well.

Earth

I am a patient man.
When the other kids at school were eager to rush out on the last day of school, I could always walk slowly, the last them of all. I was excited too, but I knew I could go a little slower than the others. When the results came in and my college-mates huddled around the man pasting the paper on the board, I waited the crowd out. I was among the last few to check the results, the others being the ones who had checked in the initial wave and had not passed the exam but were hoping a later sighting would somehow alter the results.
I always let the audience in a theatre to move out before even beginning to get up. Quite a few dates of mine have asked me if I was waiting to make a move on them in the emptying hall. I could always be gracious enough to allow a few people with more items ahead of me in the check-out line at the groceries.
I was patient when the girl I was to marry in a few days decided to come to my house and cry for 5 hours straight because she could not find the right dress. I was patient when she dried her eyes and smiled with her puffy eyes and stained cheeks.
I was right with her when her walk was slow and her belly was with child. She had her tantrums, she had her craving, her not-so-conveniently-timed wishes. I knew she was going through a harder time than she gave out.   I understood the issue when the nurse told us the emergency room was being cleaned and we had to wait in the hallway for a couple of minutes.
I was patient all this while. I held my ground and my heart while the doctors and nurses helped me and my wife bring our daughter into this world.
I can wait a few more minutes till she opens her eyes to look at me with those wonderful blues before I close mine for my much needed sleep..
I can wait..

Fire

Impulsive. She had never taken two minutes to think something through. It was always a quick decision, always swift action. She regretted a few decisions afterwards but that never stopped or changed her from being impulsive.She is fiery and quick tempered. It is so easy to bait her and she is passionate about whatever she talks about.
I met her when she was a volunteer at the animal shelter. She was just giving a scathing piece of her mind to a man who had come asking for animals for product testing. She was glorious when angry. Her hands waved in air like a conductor of symphony. Her eyes glinted and her mouth was speaking words as she could frame them. No fear..none at all.
I was scared to even talk to her. I wanted to adopt a dog- nothing too young, nor too old. She sized me up with a glance from my head to toe.She nodded to herself. I passed her test. She took me to see some that were badly in need of a home. All the while talking about the shelter and what it did to help animals. I found myself listening to the tone of her voice, her gestures, her eyes!
I walked home with a puppy- a little Labrador. Clutched to my chest, the breath from the little one was gentle. Once we entered an area, all the dogs came running to her. She was so gentle with them. Breathtakingly gentle. And she handed me this pup and smiled. I could not refuse.
Found myself going back to the shelter the next week. I was ensnared.
She doesn't hesitate to tell me what she thinks even after 25 years. We are old. She has grandchildren. My wife died last year. We were walking along the road. She saw a man hitting his wife. She promptly thrust herself in front of him and gave him a taste of her fury.
Impulsive..that is what she is.

Z

"Zookeeper!", you tell her. She looks at you from head-to-toe and shakes her head. She thinks you have no ambition. For the President of United States, being the object of advances of a zookeeper does not quite cut it. She moves away and mingles with the crowd. You look forlorn. I wish I could come and help you. But you have vehemently objected to my intrusions in the past saying that you don't need any help and that I embarrass you.
You kick at the soda bottles near your feet and put your hands in the pocket. Just then the singer brushes past you. Her long golden hair gets caught in your arm-sleeve. Both of you jerk to the opposite sides. I then see her untangling it. You are so eager to help her. But she refuses your help and does it by herself. I think she knows you usually make a mess of the smallest things.
She takes her her hair off. Gives you that coy little smile and you are smitten. You walk behind her. And you start whispering to each other.
"Alien from space" gets the President. You glance across to them and back at your singer. You smile says you are satisfied.
Coming up..the results of the Fancy dress competition for the 4 graders! And I know you don't quite care!

Y

Yesterday was the first day of my life. Here are some of the things I remember. The drumbeats- rhythmically pounding.I was so used to that sound, but now I feel alienated from it. I feel an immense pressure on my head and I feel suffocated. I kick and push and I feel a way somewhere. I know I must get out. The pressure seems to be building. I move around. Where is the warmth that I felt all this while. Why am I being crushed? Why is it so bright? What just happened? Who are these people? Why am I cold?
Yesterday my son was born. All this while I had him near my heart. I could feel him move inside me. And now he must come out. It is time. What will he feel now?Will he still love me? Does he know what is happening? Can he process so much information? Does he know that the people holding him are his loved ones? Does he know he is in the real world? Does he...
I look up at a smiling face. I reach for it. And I feel loved. The face kisses my hand, coos in my ear. I feel wonderful and happy and I want to sleep. And I do...
I watch him sleep and the dream he dreams..The smile that is yet to be, the words yet to come, the feet yet to walk, the life yet to live. For now, I am content watching him sleep. And dream..

X

"Xena!", your mother exclaims upon seeing you. You smile. She hugs you and takes you inside. I stand outside knowing I was not welcome. You mother has told you so many times that our worlds did not mix. But you never wanted to let me go. And neither did I- which is why I was here.

We were a tumultuous pair. One day was great and the next day was deadly. Both of us had huge egos and our personalities were unique. I remember how surprised you were when I introduced you as my fiance to my parents without giving you a notice and how irritated you were when I got down on one knee. Yes..our times together were indeed unforgettable. 

And yet the rest of the world seems to have forgotten. I have not. I saw you get ready for this party- The party that we planned. A gag it was supposed to be. Halloween parties usually are. I was to come as Hercules and you as Xena. I loved Lucy Lawless!! And you decided to humor me.

Here you are without me. I stand outside the house and look inside. You look at the where I stand- not seeing me but deep in thought. This one night I look at you. This one night I have, to say goodbye. This one night I have, when the barriers between spiritual and earthly world comes down. 

I blow a kiss in your direction. You don't see the kiss, you don't see me. Someone taps you on the shoulder and you turn away from me.

Goodbye, my Xena!

W

"Washington DC ?", I gasp. I am sure you can hear the tears in my voice. The tears that do not take form for the fear of my husband noticing. But they are there nevertheless. I am already inconsolable. I move to the kitchen and switch on the mixie. I do not want him to know anything is wrong. Yet it is.
" It is so far away", I tell you. You console me saying we will not let the distance hinder us. Distance has never hindered us. You moved away after school and I survived college only thanks to phones. I made a million calls. And you were always there for me, be it the first day when I told you I went in to the wrong class or be it the time I knew I was in trouble with the lecturer. I moved to your city when it was time to look for a job. I stayed in the same street as you. I met you every day. Your mom always suspected we were up to something, with those whispers and chuckles. And she was almost always right.
I miss you. When it was time for me to get married, which was inevitable, I looked for someone who stayed in the same city. I still met you. I still talked to you, hurried conversations but I talked to you.
He walks in. He now knows for sure something is up. I tell you goodbye and hang up. I look at him, now tears in my eyes. He tells me, "Let go." I cried. He held me close for those two minutes. "This is 21st century. No one is truly far away. You will still be able to talk to her everyday. You can still catch up on the little gossips. You will not be far away from her.", he tells me.
My dearest friend, my soul sister, will we be alright? And I look at the chats and messages a month later and I know- We are!

#66

The term "battling the bulge" is a joke, as is "battling the wrinkles" and "battling the greys". Also note that "you may lose battles but win the war". No one tells you what this war is.

V

"Verbal Reasoning section was pretty easy, Analytical was great. It was only quantitative reasoning that I had some issues in." I tell you. You look at me and say cheerfully, "No problem.Give it a rest." I am frustrated- " I hope the scores are good. This is the qualifying test to get into the prestigious uniersity that I have been aiming to get into. For you it is a cakewalk. You have been very nonchalant about it, but I know, you are as serious about it as me. For you it is another step in the ladder of life; for me it is the start of my life.
I have lived on the wrong side of the tracks for a long time. I have quite forgotten how I became that way, but the important thing is I did. And then you came along and showed me the happiest days of my life. And when you decided to study further at the university, I knew I would follow you. I studied and studied. I had so many doubts, so many questions and you were patient with me, more than patient. Like a guide, like a teacher. In more than one way.
I learnt so much from you. You have the gift of seeing past the present and looking into the future and seeing only happy things when I have never even thought of anything light. I only hope that I can grow positive too. And this is a positive step for me. I hope it works.
The results come in a month later. A nail-biting month. I could not eat or sleep well. I had constant nightmares that I would be rejected. You bring the envelopes in your hand, one for you and one for me. You open yours first. You are in! I tear mine. I read the first word "congrats" and I start crying.
We both dance, you and I. My darling, how beautiful are going to be the coming days. For the second time in my life I see hope- my daughter, and it is only because of you

#227

When posing for photos, even after sucking in your tummy, if it is still there, it is way past time to hit the gym.

U

"Unquestionably unique." Your friends tell you. You smile proudly and look at me. You sign what they just said across to me. I sign back "Thank them for me". You do that. They smile and shake my hands. I find it a weird custom to shake hands. Some smile wonderfully at me, some are so weirded out by me. That I can do so much for a girl is beyond them. You say that is not it, but I know.
I sit down on the chair that you have placed near yours. I want some familiarity now- the crowd to see me is huge and I feel a little overwhelmed. I pick at my dress and you soothe me. They ask me to smile and I show them my teeth and you ask them to back away and give me some space because I am getting angry. I agree. I do feel angry. They ask me to pose for photos with me father. "Hug him", "Closer", "Tighter", "Give him a kiss", the reporters say. I don't understand what the fuss is all about. I do the tasks you tell me. I do them with speed because I just want to go home to my teddy- Tommy and cuddle into bed for a nap. Some get on their feet and marvel at what I do and clap thunderously.
I feel bored now. I get down and walk to edge of the stage where they have mild coloured lights. I am interested in seeing my shadow on the wall. I strike different poses. They clap for that too. You come over and lead me to the mike. You say " Layla will now take questions." There are a lot of people raising their hands. You point at them and they ask me questions. You sign them to me.
"How does it feel?", one asks. I say, "Nothing different." "What do you want to do now?", I sign "Go home". "Do you like to sing?", "I like it when my father sings. I can't sing." The questions go on. I am bored and I refuse to sign for some. I plop down on the floor and start banging. You know its time to go.
You stand up and say, " I rescued Layla when she was a baby. She is my daughter. She has emotions too and I urge you all to take a stand against testing chemicals on animals. She maybe a chimp but she can sign and perform tasks and that should show you they are individuals too. She can paint and rocks to music, which should show you that they can feel too. She stands up for her fellow animals. I urge you to show your support."
They clap now for me. And like you said, it is not because I am a girl, but because I am a true marvel.
I  know.

The W's

# Why do pregnant celebrities always hold their bumps on red carpet?

# Why do I feel like a cow when people tell me the grass is greener on my side?

#143

Fine and nice are excellent substitution words when you don't really want to say what is on your mind.

Scenario-
W- How do I look?
H- Nice. (I-wish-you-wouldn't-ask-me-this question-everyday-since-I-know-better-than-to-actually-tell-you-what-I-want-and-you-don't-really-care-anyway)

W- So what did you do while I was gone?
H- Well not much. I simply ate and slept and watched TV.
W- Fine. (For-once-I-wish-you-would-say-I-missed-you-or-you-could-have-done-something-at-home-to-surprise-me)

The W's

# Why am I always asked a question by a stranger immediately after I have eaten onions?

# Why do people look at me strangely when I ask for more ketchup on my Sub?

T

Thumping music rang loudly in my ears. It was a heavy metal band. If it were Blues or Jazz, I am not sure I would have heard it. I am above it all. But this music spoke to my soul. My mind was floating above the messy crowd on the dance floor. I was flitting from one person to another with no purpose. Then I see you across the room. You in your fiery red dress that clings to your body. I have a lot of imagination and I had to exercise only the least of it on you and your dress.
You see me too. And I think there's recognition in your eyes. You pout your lips that is in siren red. I get hit by an imaginary lighting-bolt that leaves me breathless. I have to get to you. Oh you are good! At what you are doing, you are devastating me. My ears turn hot and the music seems louder than before. I can hear the heartbeats of all those around me and mine seems loud.
I weave across the room to you. My leather jacket is black but my eyes are blacker and my mind is at the darkest place. I am bad! I stop to think of the consequences and that I will be damned if I pay any more attention. I reach you. You are holding a glass of vodka but I smell none in your breath. You are slowly turning the glass in your hands and I hypnotically follow it.
"You know this will get messy." I agree to what you say but my thoughts are far away. "You are Bad", you tell me. "And you are Good", I counter. We stay still for a moment. Then as if unspoken, I take your hand and we leave.
So much for Good and Evil not mixing. Both sides are going to be angry in a few minutes when they realize what their head-angel and head-demon have been up to. But like I said -I will be damned. For now I am merely a man and she a woman. We continue the war tomorrow.

#20

Everything tastes good with cheese.

S

"Searching..." I have no idea how this happened. I have no idea what I did wrong. Why is it always at an inopportune moment they require the most trivial of data. Why can they not keep their notes in order. Why do they not name in succession. Why just call it "untitled" or "doc.1"?
I have a lot of work to do you know. It is not like I am resting all the time. I begin my day with a noise. There's something wrong with the fan so I get hot. But they don't quite care. All they need is their work done. I am mishandled all the time. I am sent on wild goose chases all the time, but does anyone care? No. because I am here to do their work. I have a good memory. I do not lose things easily, nor do I misplace them. But one question to my boss and all they blame is me saying that I don't work well and that I am new. My age is a problem too. To some I am too young and and to others am too fast. Is it my problem that they can not keep up.
I want to help them. I know I want to. I can feel the cells working and I want to give them their answer but there's something wrong. I can't quite figure it out yet. And no the document is not in here. I have looked and looked, I have been trying to be friendly and I have also asked them detailed questions, but no they give me vague answers and expect me to do the work.
"The search option failed. Are you sure you have provided the right information?" I go one step further and ask him " Are you looking for  Adreax?" My boss slaps his head and smiles and says yes.
"Opening file" I say, "Please wait." For now I have done my duty. I do hope he turns me off today. I have been ON for 3 days now and I would like to rest and be charged. He types in another question..and I ,his computer, search through tons and tons of bits and bytes for his answer.
I serve him.

The W's

# Why are Boyfriend jeans and Boyfriend cardigans named so even if they are in the women's section? Can't they just come up with a new name for it? They aren't the boys' and I were to get authentic ones shouldn't I be looking at men's jeans?

# By extension of the previous question- I do hope they realize Girlfriend jeans will be a ridiculous idea. Will they  call it "wear-this-jeans-if-you-have-to-escape-the-girl's-room-when-her-father-finds-out-and-yet-look-fashionable" jeans?

#156

It is never possible to get a singular, consistent opinion on Marriage and Pregnancy- both are institutions that people get affiliated with based on varied physical evidence...

#104

When people use air quotes, they aren't actually saying anything worthy, they just want it to appear so!

R

Regret was clearly etched in your face. You wished you hadn't done what you did in the last few minutes. Before that we were fine, you were fine. Few minutes later- now, you wish I disappeared off the face of earth. You seem to be normal with your friends. Yet when I catch your eye, you go red behind your ears and look down at your books.
I have seen you around the library a lot. And that is where you spoke to me. You were very respectful the first time. The second time you were a little more forthcoming. After that you have been quite chatty. But today you do not seem to have found your tongue quite yet. Everyone around you seems festive, you look like you would kill them all. They don't know what you have done as yet. If they did, you would be the center of a lot of attention. I do not wish that for you either. But I have to respond to what you have done.
You are among the last to leave. You look forlorn- you poor thing. I don't have the heart to be harsh with you, yet I would have to let you know what I think.
It is Valentine's day. When I reached my desk there was a pink card and a rosebud. Clearly the card was handmade and the rosebud from a home garden. I was touched when I read the card- Will you be my valentine?
I call out to you. You stop, look at me apprehensively.You shirt is scruffy and your tie askew. Your shoes have lost their shine. My heart melts. I bend down and give you a hug- " I will be you valentine for now and forever." You smile- showing the gap where your front two teeth should have been. "You are my favorite student and a very sweet boy. But there are other girls you should be giving cards to.", I say. You reply- "Oh but I already have- gave them cards I bought. But I made this card especially for you, my favorite teacher."
You are a smart boy at 8 yrs. Yes, you are!

The W's

# Why is it vain if I chose to put a profile picture that I look nice in? I clearly do not relish putting up a picture of sunset or a broken toenail, but if I do that is an artistic display picture?
# Why do strangers think it is funny to poke me?
# When unknown people send me requests do they really expect it to be confirmed?

Q

"Quizzing". I tell my friend the excuse to leave soon; I haven't watched the entire re-run of "The one in Vegas". Later perhaps. I reach the venue about five minutes before it starts. I have no partner. I see you looking for one. But I do not approach you. You ask around and understand I do not have a team-mate. You come to me. "Will you be my team-mate?" I am determined to win this quiz, so I say yes.
I know you are very good at quizzing. I have seen you at a lot of contests. I have seen you win many of them, I win most of them. So you know I am good at it too. We do well in the first round- a written one. You have a lovely handwriting, even lovelier hand. But I am determined to win this quiz. There is a small break before the final results are announced for the final 8. You ask me to come to lunch with you. I say no. I am determined to win this quiz.
We are on stage. You whisper questions into my ears. I ignore them. You are puzzled, I can see. You try smiling at me when you say the right answer. I do not smile back. You are elated when your guesses turn right. You turn to give me a high five but I am glowering at you. Our hands fumble for the buzzer, I hit it and bark out the right answer. You are blushing but I do not even glance at you. We win. You have no more smiles to give and are plastic to anyone congratulating you.
They hand out the certificates and money. Woohoo! Money! I turn and see you walking away. I slap my forehead. I forgot..I run the few feet separating us and touch you. You turn unwillingly. "Coffee?, I ask.
You are stunned. A tentative yes from you. I start my bike and you hesitate to get on. I nod my head to make you get on.
At the coffee shop you are quiet. You want to ask me. Your unvarnished nails glint as you swirl the straw in the coffee. Here it comes. "Why weren't you answering me? Why were you so aloof? Is it because you did not want to be my team mate? Why then ask me to coffee?"
I look at you. The reason why I lost "many" quizzes. "You are a distraction you know. I was determined to win this quiz." You look struck; tears in your eyes. I hasten to explain " I did not want you telling our children that their father lost his first quiz with mom because he was too busy thinking how breathtaking she looks up close."
You eyes widen, you understand and you blush. Now this one, I definitely am looking at!

#72

I like arguing with myself. That way I know exactly what I am going to say and I win any way.

P

"Precious", you say. Well that is what you say now. I have been coming here for 3 weekends now. The first weekend you did not want to even help me. You came and asked me what I want but you excused yourself before I could finish. I could hear you quietly talking to your friends about me.
It is a huge step for me too. I have never been this happy and sure ever before in my life and I just want to just jump into it. The first time I came here I simply walked and stared at all of it. I wanted to be able to breathe the smell in, take in the wonderful sights of all that white. I wanted to feel each one. It may have looked creepy too, I know, to see me do that. I was exhilarated and could not care less. I look at myself in the mirror- tired and weary. I also tuck a few wayward strands of grey behind my ears.
I came in the second time and you were still eyeing me from across the room and then approached me after 10 minutes, when you knew I was not about to leave. I had to tell you my story the third time for you help me whole heartedly. But to your credit, once you knew what I wanted and what I was upto, you put in your all and helped me find it.  You are one talker! Yes sir!! I was soon telling you my life story as we searched for the perfect one. In those few hours I have shared with you, things that I haven't even known I wanted, desired. You peeled away one inhibition after another until I was totally raw and genuine.
I am wearing it.  Puffed sleeves, white beads on the neckline and lace on the full skirt; it comes with a train. I absolutely adore it and you think its precious too. I am getting married for the first time in a month. I am 43 years old. I feel nervous about it. I smooth the skirt once, twice, thrice and look into the mirror and tell you this is not for me- the wedding and the dress. You come close to me- my beloved sales assistant. You tell me I look precious and that any man would want to marry me for who I am.
I then ask you to be my maid of honour. Tears shimmer in your eyes when you say yes!

#213

Humidity does to the hair, what even the hairdresser can not do!

#9

Theorem- Beauty is only skin deep.

Proof- #Beauty is only skin deep.

           # Deeper than that it will hit the bones.

           # Everybody knows skeletons are scary.

           # Which means beauty did not hit the bone. 

           # This means beauty is only skin deep.

Hence the proof.

O

"Occupation?", your pen stands still. You look at me. I open my mouth to answer but before that she answers the question.You look at me for approval. I nod the slightest of nods. You screw your face in concentration and write it down while your mother spells it out for you. You have never known me any other way nor seen me any differently.
You come back in the evening and hand me a note. It says that your teacher wants us to meet her. I look at your mother.I pray that there are no problems. She gives me an easy smile with a shrug like there is nothing to worry about. There is  nothing to worry about. I wince thinking of her parents' reaction when they understood what she was up to. My parents have all but disowned me. They don't usually talk to me in public. You have always wondered why grandma and grandpa don't smile as much when I am there.
We reach the Teachers room. The teacher comes out. She is astonished seeing me but manages to hide it well. We explain the situation at home. She understands now. She is baffled but she understands where we are coming from. Just then another teacher comes out and spots us She rushes over.
"Can I have your autograph?", she asks me. I oblige.
 I was an actor. But not anymore. Your mother used to stay at home- home maker they called her. It was fine for a woman to be a "domestic manager". But when she decided to pursue her dreams of business and politics, I readily gave up the tinsel world that I had reigned in, but grown tired of. Now they don't quite understand.
A stay-at-home Dad! You write that on your information sheet and your teacher wants us to meet her. I look at my wife, your mother- hoping that she will bring a change that people so need; in their thoughts, in their life, in the society. I full heartedly support her. And I relish my role as your father, the protector and the homemaker.
Yet some don't understand.

The W's

# Why do people say they have an email id, give it to us and also tell us they never check it or use it much?

#Why does the person before me in the queue always get the biggest slice of cake?

N

"Ninja!". I smile. I had asked you a question and this was your answer. I have no idea how this will happen but that will be your answer no matter how many times I ask or how many ever ways I ask. I know your fascination with the ninjas. You think Ninja, you dream ninja. I also know that you have a lot of books about them and you wall has posters of cartoon ninjas. But you do consider the Ninja turtles juvenile.
You think ninjas are cool. But you don't quite understand the influence they have on you. They were your solace through your parents divorce when you were 7. You pretended that the ninjas would realize that you were a lost member and come and rescue you in the deep of the night. Even when they did not come you consoled yourself saying they probably thought you were too young. They were many instances, but your faith in them was never shaken.
You collect ninja artifacts. You learnt martial arts to keep the illusion alive. You scaled walls wearing that horrendous dress someone told you was Ninja-like. I had to persuade you to give them up and get dark jeans and t shirt. You still insisted on wearing the mask. The neighbor did mistake you once for a burglar and call the police. And was apoplectic when it turned out to be you. He does not acknowledge your presence since then and you try annoying him all the time.
When will you grow up? I have known you for two decades ever since your parents divorced and you moved in with your grandparents. I remember the shy boy you were. You refused to answer my questions. I was persistent though, asking you what were the figures you were holding. You heaved a huge sigh and answered - the same word you used now- ninja! And you have been answering a lot more questions with indulgent sighs all these years.  I am persistent. How else did I get you to marry me?
But this instance reaffirms that you are still the boy I knew and cherish. "What do you want our son to be when he grows up?", you ask me. I tell you he can be anything he wants. You sigh, that all knowing- smiling sigh and you say "Ninja". I hold my faith and peace.
Our son is only two weeks old. He has a lot of time to grow. Ninja he shall be.

#28

Women don't really need another person to converse. They have enough on their minds to argue, debate, fight and reconcile- with themselves.

M

Misery! All I felt was misery. Bone-tiring, back breaking misery. I know the reason. The reason is now looking at me. Ready to shout at the least slack. I feel so miserable. For all this, I can not talk about this to anyone. Not even to my dearest husband. He smiles and laughs with me but he will not understand this if I told him. He would pat my back and ask me to take it in the stride.
You point at me and ask me to come forward. You open your mouth and tell me am no-good. That I am not putting any effort into it. You are cruel in your assumption and you are cruel in voicing your opinion. It's taking my entire will not to break out into tears and yet you don't quite seem to care. I still remember the first day you saw me. You said you had your work cut out. I did not mind then, your tone, that which now seems mocking.
When you run into my husband, you smile at him and exchange pleasantries. You see my son and make funny faces to make him smile. You see me and you bark- "Harder, faster".
I am tired. I lay awake every night thinking how the next day will go. And only rarely do I think of not returning. You agree I am motivated and even closer to my target, but you still want me to put more effort. I look at the results, you still look at the target. I am happy with the results, you are still looking at how much more we have left. And today is the day- we weigh in our effort!
"Drop it and give me twenty", you say. I promptly lie down and start with the first of the twenty push-ups! My muscles scream, there are tears in my eyes. The last five are sheer torture. You shout near my ears- "Three..Two and One." I am done. I fall flat on my face out of breath. Only 5 seconds; you are pulling me up.
We go the weighing machine. The target was 55 pounds. And I know we are closer to that than we were at the beginning. I stand on it and close my eyes. The efforts of six long months...
And nothing. I turn and look at you. You are grinning- for the first time since I met you, grinning and pulling me in for a hug! "You lost 57 pounds" you say.
I am thrilled. But for now, I will be content with falling to the ground.

L

"Lights out". I can not see in the darkness. But I know what to do. I have planned it all well. I have rehearsed it so many times mentally. I can not afford to go wrong. I get this one chance. Once chance- I hope this works.
The bulbs outside my cell are glowing dimly. I can make out your shape in the the cell diagonally opposite to mine. I reach deep inside me for the hatred for the person you are now. It is a little hard for me to become someone like this but this has to be done. I have tried all the other ways and this one seemed to be the only one to bring out the hatred in me. I hate you for the smugness you show to the warden. I hate you for making this prison your home away from home; you don't seem to have missed a single beat in carrying out your shady deals. I hate that the other prisoners move away from you and treat you with deference- you are a criminal not the King! Above all I hate you because you destroyed everything in my life that I held and loved.
I take out the knife from underneath my mattress. I stealthily approach you. I also have the key duplicate that I made out of the key from the warden's keyring. The warden takes 5 minutes to do his rounds around the block. I try the lock. It is putty in my hands and just falls open.
I sneak out slowly and come to yours. I have told you all this while that we should be making the run together. You anticipate me and I see you become still. You don't know my plan yet. I use the key again to open this one but I have some problem. I think of calling it but then it opens. Better this way!
I come in. You are still lying down. I come closer, taking my knife slowly..very slowly. And with the speed of lightning I am upon you. You writhe and are strong. But it's a little lesser than what I expected. I look around and raise the knife and plunge it into you.
Once! Twice! Thrice..My shirt is bloodied. My hands are shaking badly. I come out of the cell. I lock it. And right when I turn the lights come back on. Caught!! I am stunned...And ecstatic.
"And cut!...Good job. I knew method acting would work for you." The director says. I turn and look at you. All the hate I felt- it was so hard to bring it out at all. You slowly come out of the cell. You pat me and say , "An Oscar, my son! And you deserve this one too." Thanks father, after all it is your blood that flows in me and your genius that I share!

#240

When two strollers with babies come into a deadlock, the stroller with the younger infant is allowed forward first. If they are both the same age, then the girl is let by first. If they are both girls, then the prettiest one is let by. If they are both boys, it is suggested both wait until one tires down!

K

"Karaoke night today" says the banner. The bar has similar announcements outside too. I stare at them, you don't need them. You are a star all by yourself. The regular patrons of the bar know you well. You always come on karaoke nights. And noone ever wants to sing after that. I have to do it today. Once you start singing the entire bar falls quiet. Some new customers are stunned to hear you sing. I have to do it today.
You sing a lot of songs. There are so many requests. You laughingly oblige them all. One fellow suggests you come home with him and sing him to sleep and promptly falls face down- too much to drink already.You sing new songs. You sing old songs. You clearly know some songs by heart, because I see you pouring your heart and soul into it.
You are beautiful. You have finished all the songs you came to sing. You step down and take a deep breath before admirers surround you. You navigate them all beautifully. A joke here, a smile there and a laugh now. You are out of the crowd. And you always sit at the same table- towards a corner in semi-darkness.
I approach you. You sense me and look at me. Those silver eyes. Haunting.
 I knew you once. I loved you, your voice. I was one among the many. Everyone remembers the accident- that left you scarred, that left you blind. I still loved you. And then you vanished. Without a trace. They searched for you- your family, your friends, the media. You disappeared.
20 years have passed by.Your father is now dead, even your family has given up-but not me. I approach you. You think its the waiter and smile ask for water. I say your name. You go still for a second. My world then lights up. You remember. You stumble out of the chair and hug me.
You also whisper- "You were my favorite step-mother! I listened to the news.It was never you fault.I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I am sorry for letting them blame you."
I tell you its ok. You are here and that is what matters, my daughter.

The W's

# Why are reality stars more popular than movie stars?

# What is being famous for being famous? Does it mean I could get famous too if I were famous?! What sense does that make?

J

"Jam",  a curt word. I look up and see your head down. I pass the jam. I look at the boys. They pretend to eat their breakfast with their noses almost touching the bowl. I can see their glimmering glances at the both of us. They are badly in need of a haircut but that's a trial in itself because they want to grow out their hair like David Beckham did. I am not going to give them a bath when they come home with lice. That's for later though.
I look back at you. You are still looking at your plate, so diligently applying the jam on your toast.I clear my throat. I start to speak but you cut me off with a glance. They snicker. I hush them with a glance which says they better concentrate on putting the spoon from the bowl into the mouth or else...I turn to you again. I gulp once and try again. I should have known when we started it yesterday, I should have pulled back. But you egged me on. I admit, I could have given up but I was too caught with the boys yelling and shouting. I murmur, "Sorry".
But you pretend to not heard me at all. You still persist in being childishly angry. I thought you might be more grown up. Well, I am going to have to roll up my sleeves and really get into it! And then you say- "You started it!" The boys now don't even glance at their bowls, they are keenly looking at how this is going to play out. I am indignant. I did not start this. You started it when you said I shouldn't have taken the boys to the park. And you say you were justified in getting angry because it was a dark and unsafe place.
That is when you said I couldn't take care of myself. This is where it actually started. I proceeded to show you how strong I was. I did a couple of chops and swept your feet. And you fell! And you haven't spoken to me since.
I am trying to apologize. Maybe I am doing a bad job. But the you look up and smile. The smile grows, and we are laughing. It is infectious. The boys are now laughing. It turns to howling and all of us have tears in our eyes because of laughing so hard. You say, "You are good."
I pull you up and lift you, my husband, up into air. You are still laughing. I search the walls. The walls that have numerous certificates, pronouncing me winner and expert, a champion in weight-lifting and martial arts.
Or maybe you aren't eating enough!!  

I

"India! India! India!" you chant under your breath. Ever since we switched on the TV, your patriotism has been unwavering. And with each obstacle crossed, your determination increases. I feel the heat of the fever. You called in sick today. But the minute you knew what was happening, you huddled on the couch with a cup of cocoa and you haven't moved from that place yet.
You say India is the best competitor. You also start speaking Cricket terms- something you do when you are incredibly excited. Batting, bowling and fielding. You say India is in top form. I agree. But I support my country Australia and you give me a bleak look as if I should know better. Well, I am Australian. I am going to support my country through and through- Australia is in great form too!
Ever since you knew India was in the Final Five, you have been cherishing a long dream to come true. Then the Final Three- Australia, India and South Africa. It is then announced that South Africa comes third. You jump for joy and start waving that flag, you keep on the refrigerator, around. You are also chanting again, doing the jungle dance. I am truly afraid now.
"And the Miss Universe is ......India"!! The woman in the TV is crying, so are you.Batting her eyelids now, bowling over all the judges and fielding questions from the media now. You hug me as if to console me and pat me twice in the back. And you look back at the TV and wave the flag again. One has got to love your patriotism- in whichever form you exhibit it!

H

"Hello..." The voice is breathless. Its you.. I know. I can see you now, even as we speak. Twisting the buttons on your shirt, rearranging the pens on your table, adjusting the monitor very slightly. Your habits have become so familiar to me. You check if it is a good time to speak. I smile and say yes. Then...bliss. I don't quite remember what we speak, but we do for a long time. The office boy comes in and asks me if I need to order lunch. I tell him my order and also I order for you. He knows our secret and offers me a cocky eyebrow. He is so precocious but a nice kid.
Romance is frowned upon in this office. And when it is between a senior level and middle level employee, there's always fireworks. We have been going steady for almost a year now. The last few weeks have become really hard. When all friends of ours bring their dates its hard for me to sit apart from you and merely quench myself through sight. And I think of how it started. It was a training session. I was late and also inattentive. You spotted that right away and pulled me aside after the training. Understanding that there was a personal reason you lent a sympathetic ear..a very sympathetic ear...a very beautiful ear!
Today is the day! We are going to make it public. One of us will be asked to resign for sure, So far, we have let that decision hanging. I come to your cabin across mine. You smile that anxious smile. I hold out my hand and you take it. We walk out proudly. Spotted! Once, twice...now everyone is looking. The GM sees us, promptly beckons us for the talk. Before he starts, you hand him a letter.Two stunned faces look at you.
He looks at you. "I appreciate your guts and determination. But as the only woman in this company, aren't you doing yourself a disfavor by resigning?" And you say with pride that only you can- " I am doing a favour to all other companies."
And you beam at me.

#3

Murphy had it easy. All he had to was say those stuff..but we are the ones going through it..Bring him out here..him and his wise-ass mouth!

#38

I belch and my wife looks at me with disgust; my daughter burps and farts, my wife is delighted!! There's no pleasing these women, I tell you..

G

"God!!!", I breathe in ecstasy, "Is there nothing you can't do?" Every time I seek you, you have filled me with joy, wonder and peace. You have always shown me the way.Sometimes you take me directly to the answer, sometimes you let me search some more. I see the signs everywhere. You are growing powerful by the second, or as people now say, by the nanosecond!
I searched for a soul-mate, you showed me the way. I searched for a wife, you showed me the way. She believes in you too. But unlike me, she is the one who fears you. Me- I adore you. I worship you and thank you for all that you have done for me. You help me at work everyday; when my job is in danger, when I think all is lost I come to you and you have never failed me. You may not sometimes be forthcoming and I have to plead with you for mercy but you give in. And my wife- she believes in you too. She takes your name whenever something she does comes out beautifully. She tells her friends that you give her motivation by showing her others who have done wonderful things. You have chosen my friends well, even better how you have helped me find my lost ones. My parents have gotten used to you and understand why I praise you so much. They are confused but their heart is alright.
For all this, there are still disbelievers. People who think an entity should not hold so much power. They even contend that you are a figment of our minds. That the day when realization will hit us is not long now! There are others who think they are mightier. They come and they go. What was the line? "Men may come and men may go?!"
Did I say God?? Oh I meant Google!
Enough said.

The W's

#Why is Indian accent made fun of in foreign countries, yet in India an accent is considered sophisticated?

#Why do celebrities smile in their mugshots? They were arrested for DUI or possession of drugs...WHY ARE THEY SMILING?

F

"First place goes to.." and they say my name. I hope secretly that they have forgotten the event or my name. But there's very little chance of that. I take a deep breath and go on stage. The Principal shakes my hand, pins the medal on my pinafore and hands me my certificate. And you are clapping the loudest with a grin plastered all over your face. You will never give up talking about me and my prize- I know that now.
I get down slowly and go back to my seat. I have a couple of other prizes to get too. They are not first prizes but you still clap even before they say my name. I should never have told you about the Prize ceremony but you would have known anyway and I thought I was strong. The Principal now tells me that I am extremely talented and should be proud of myself. No..I have heard it enough and more times. But that's the Principal, I smile and say thanks with great effort.
You are clapping even now..and giving me a thumbs-up too. I hate you now, like I have never hated you before. Competitions are precisely that- not a big deal!! But no, you will not agree. At least to rub this one in you will say what matters most is the winning! I know you come first too, but this is different you say. I try dragging on meeting you after the ceremony, talking to friends, checking their certificates. They all have to go, so do I.
I walk towards the three of you. Appa and Amma smile at me.
 And you, my elder brother, just pluck out that certificate and dance around them and say in a sing-song voice- "And the First Prize in Biscuit Eating competition goes to...you" and start clapping with a great enthusiasm that you have never showed on anything in your life. Yet you mean it in the sincerest form of appreciation.You ask me how many biscuits I had to eat, what kind they were, if I wanted seconds and went back after the race. Amma and Appa shush you but you pinch me and pull my hair and dance around me.
I know you love me and I love you too..but I still hate you.

E

Eggs- Check, Flour- Check, Tinsel- check. Ha! That is all I need. I am  so going to humiliate you. You are never going to live this one down. I am sure of that. You have constantly showed me up, sneaked about me and got me into trouble so many times, but not today, not this time.
And there you are.. among your friends. I see you hugging them, patting them, joking and winking.  Oh and those high-fives. I will show you. Those friends of yours... They readily agreed when I told them what I had in store for you. They suggested the tinsel, in fact. And you trust them so readily. Time to grow up, literally.
One of them tells you to get more beer. You want to give them a great party so you rush in to the house. And I rush out. I hand out the eggs, flour and the tinsel and we hide ourselves- behind trees, beneath the steps, behind the wall. All of us waiting..all of them waiting for my signal.
Annnnd you come out...I give a sharp whistle. All of charge out with out eggs flying. I see you are frightened. And a split second later- I see the realization. You start to run but it is to late. Eggs already pelt you-with their sticky insides coating you entirely.
Oh little brother of mine- it is too late. We are close and you hide your face. But strong hands pry you out and I take the first privilege of throwing the flour in your face. So many other hands smear the flour over the eggs goo. And I throw the tinsel on you. There you stand, my little brother- not so little anymore- graduating with honours from college. You look a mess but you are also laughing, hard with your hands holding your sides. And you hug me- hold me close, tighter a second before releasing me.
Our parents come out and we come closer for a picture. I put my arms around you- my festive brother- I am so proud of you.

The W's

Why do ducks swim in the swimming pool even if they have their own water?

Why do spiders choose the most inopportune of moments to crawl across the towel?

Why do photographs of tennis stars always have them itching or spitting or their faces distorted?

When people write LOL, are they really laughing out aloud?

Why does the dot on the "i" require a name?

D

"Duet!! This duet will be sensational". My manager says. Or "our" manager says. I look at you and cringe internally. I hate him for foisting us together into this ruckus. I don't even like the way you look. I am sure you understand what I want to say but you intentionally evade my gaze. You look at our manager and look at him with those eyes. Those eyes that should look adoringly at me! I am the one you have to worship. I see the accusation in them. And this is all my fault.
I discovered your talent. I should be the one setting the rules. Yet you stand by listening to the words he says waiting to do his bidding. And look at the way he treats you..the clothes he makes you wear. The stunts he makes you pull. You feel guilty too, I can see it in the way you have bowed you head, they way you are constantly checking to see what my reaction is. But this is all my doing.
You know what I think, I think this is a load of crap. Each of us should be allowed to pursue our own dreams and in the way our passion leads. I come to a decision. Damn the manager and his money. Damn his rules. I am leaving, so are you. You sense the change in me and you look at me. I see the hope. I will not let you down.
"MY Dog and I are no circus shows. We deserve better. He deserves better. I am the one who discovered he could whine in rhythm. We entertained children and the homeless and those who needed a smile. I will not have money dictate my life or his. Come Cesar, lets go rock some tunes". All I get in turn is a gruff bark and a shake of a tail and sound thumping feet accompanying my footsteps.
And that is all I need.

#57

Its true when they say marriage is not just between two people it is between two families. And you wondered why the mobsters always called themselves The Family.

C

"Cotton Candy"!! Your eyes dance, there's a little skip in your step and you clap your hands with sheer joy. And this sight warms me. Today has not been a good day. But the blue, pink and yellow cotton candy never fails to cheer you up. You take a long time making up your mind about the colour you want to buy. Finally you settle on Blue. The vendor gives me an understanding smile. Thank god for such people.
You hold the paper bag in one hand and take mine in the other. I ask you how you will eat if your hand is not free and you put your face right into the bag and show me how it is done. So much for manners!
Today was not a good day. You refused to take your bath, refused to eat anything but your favourite Ghee-Dal-rice with potato chips. You refused to talk or smile at anyone.Only when I returned from the office did you even come out from under the bed. I think about happier times and I look at you and smile.
We have been married for 55 years. You are now 74 yrs old. I remember the woman-child I married, who became a woman, a mother and grandmother with grace and feminity. Everyone still talks about how regal you looked in a sari. All you wear now is a printed knee length gown. Your once raven black long hair has still some black in but is in a short bob. You wear no jewelry. The only indication that you are married comes from the kumkum on your forehead, that I smear everyday before I leave to the manufacturing plant.
We have our good days- the ones where you are the woman I loved and the bad days when you return to being a child that I have learnt to love.
Today was not a good day but I have my mind at ease now.I tighten my grip on your hand and we walk towards our home.

B

"Bangalore".
My heart stops for a beat. The conductor wakes us all up. Here I am finally. The longest that I haven't spoken to you. 12 months. We have had our share of spats. I once remember not talking to you for a week. It was so silly I don't even remember the reason- maybe it had something to do with "that boy from office"- like you used to say. I sent you an email saying that I was coming to Bangalore and that I wanted to meet you. I hoped you would meet me..I prayed that you would meet me.
I get down from the bus. The conductor gives me a smile and helps me with my bags. I look around. Searching for you..my eyes are thirsty for your sight. We used to be best friends too- I remember all the times- sneaking off to a movie, calling in sick to our respective offices just to spend more time, me cooking the latest recipes that I had read...they were a lot of laughs. And there were a lot of tears. And I have so wanted to talk to you. And now here I am to see if you will help me understand and make it through.
I see you. You see me.
You run and I meet you halfway. I can see tears in your eyes- tears of joy!! You hold me with those same arms that nursed me when I was sick, held my cycle when I rode them for the first time. And you tell me-"Hasn't that boy told you anything. You never run when you are pregnant. Never even walk fast."
I understand your indignation on behalf of your grand child, Amma!! Oh I have missed you so much.
That boy has taught me a lot, in fact, he is the one who encouraged me to reach out to you He follows me-my husband. And you see him and offer him a smile. And you take my hands and we start walking.
And you say-"You are home. Enkitta thirumba vanduttiye di rajaathi!! Thank god, you are back" and you tighten your grip.

A

"Apple Juice, Please."

You hate Apples. I know that. And to see that distaste in your face makes me feel guilty of this situation. I sit across you in the restaurant and I wonder if there's a way to end this all easily.But we brought this one ourselves. All you had to do was say a word and I would have understood. Understood how much you are going through.Going through the highs and lows of life was one of the vows we took in our marriage. And I wonder if someone knew this would happen.

I hate Apples too. You know it. That's one of the things that brought us together. 

But the Doctor says its healthy, the Doctor says its good for the Baby! Our child..the to-be born wonder.

You do this everyday so as to never let me think am alone even in the slightest of ways...Drinking the juice that we hate so much- together..

And I love you for it!

Turmoils of the heart and mind

Thoughts that leaved me confused
Wondering what life holds for me
To offer what once was taken
To take away that was offered.
The acceptance of the offer was within my reach
That reach which widened when I chose
Leaving me with empty air
On the inside of me and within my hands.

#26

Not combing your hair daily does not and never will mean the hair will stick longer to the head! What must fall will fall...this is the law of the Universe! (and Gravity)

The W's

Where's Megan Fox? Bring her back. Rosie is nice enough but the sizzling Fox is what we want..

Will the apes conquer the planet?

Why do my cookies burn?

What will happen in 2012??

#245

Never learn to drive a car from your husband. You will disagree on everything from driving routes, to changing lanes to parking spots. And when you fail the test he will be the first one to say “ I told you so”! Never give him a chance to be right..