Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The W's

# Why am I always asked a question by a stranger immediately after I have eaten onions?

# Why do people look at me strangely when I ask for more ketchup on my Sub?


T

Thumping music rang loudly in my ears. It was a heavy metal band. If it were Blues or Jazz, I am not sure I would have heard it. I am above it all. But this music spoke to my soul. My mind was floating above the messy crowd on the dance floor. I was flitting from one person to another with no purpose. Then I see you across the room. You in your fiery red dress that clings to your body. I have a lot of imagination and I had to exercise only the least of it on you and your dress.
You see me too. And I think there's recognition in your eyes. You pout your lips that is in siren red. I get hit by an imaginary lighting-bolt that leaves me breathless. I have to get to you. Oh you are good! At what you are doing, you are devastating me. My ears turn hot and the music seems louder than before. I can hear the heartbeats of all those around me and mine seems loud.
I weave across the room to you. My leather jacket is black but my eyes are blacker and my mind is at the darkest place. I am bad! I stop to think of the consequences and that I will be damned if I pay any more attention. I reach you. You are holding a glass of vodka but I smell none in your breath. You are slowly turning the glass in your hands and I hypnotically follow it.
"You know this will get messy." I agree to what you say but my thoughts are far away. "You are Bad", you tell me. "And you are Good", I counter. We stay still for a moment. Then as if unspoken, I take your hand and we leave.
So much for Good and Evil not mixing. Both sides are going to be angry in a few minutes when they realize what their head-angel and head-demon have been up to. But like I said -I will be damned. For now I am merely a man and she a woman. We continue the war tomorrow.

Monday, August 29, 2011

#20

Everything tastes good with cheese.

S

"Searching..." I have no idea how this happened. I have no idea what I did wrong. Why is it always at an inopportune moment they require the most trivial of data. Why can they not keep their notes in order. Why do they not name in succession. Why just call it "untitled" or "doc.1"?
I have a lot of work to do you know. It is not like I am resting all the time. I begin my day with a noise. There's something wrong with the fan so I get hot. But they don't quite care. All they need is their work done. I am mishandled all the time. I am sent on wild goose chases all the time, but does anyone care? No. because I am here to do their work. I have a good memory. I do not lose things easily, nor do I misplace them. But one question to my boss and all they blame is me saying that I don't work well and that I am new. My age is a problem too. To some I am too young and and to others am too fast. Is it my problem that they can not keep up.
I want to help them. I know I want to. I can feel the cells working and I want to give them their answer but there's something wrong. I can't quite figure it out yet. And no the document is not in here. I have looked and looked, I have been trying to be friendly and I have also asked them detailed questions, but no they give me vague answers and expect me to do the work.
"The search option failed. Are you sure you have provided the right information?" I go one step further and ask him " Are you looking for  Adreax?" My boss slaps his head and smiles and says yes.
"Opening file" I say, "Please wait." For now I have done my duty. I do hope he turns me off today. I have been ON for 3 days now and I would like to rest and be charged. He types in another question..and I ,his computer, search through tons and tons of bits and bytes for his answer.
I serve him.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The W's

# Why are Boyfriend jeans and Boyfriend cardigans named so even if they are in the women's section? Can't they just come up with a new name for it? They aren't the boys' and I were to get authentic ones shouldn't I be looking at men's jeans?

# By extension of the previous question- I do hope they realize Girlfriend jeans will be a ridiculous idea. Will they  call it "wear-this-jeans-if-you-have-to-escape-the-girl's-room-when-her-father-finds-out-and-yet-look-fashionable" jeans?

#156

It is never possible to get a singular, consistent opinion on Marriage and Pregnancy- both are institutions that people get affiliated with based on varied physical evidence...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

#104

When people use air quotes, they aren't actually saying anything worthy, they just want it to appear so!

R

Regret was clearly etched in your face. You wished you hadn't done what you did in the last few minutes. Before that we were fine, you were fine. Few minutes later- now, you wish I disappeared off the face of earth. You seem to be normal with your friends. Yet when I catch your eye, you go red behind your ears and look down at your books.
I have seen you around the library a lot. And that is where you spoke to me. You were very respectful the first time. The second time you were a little more forthcoming. After that you have been quite chatty. But today you do not seem to have found your tongue quite yet. Everyone around you seems festive, you look like you would kill them all. They don't know what you have done as yet. If they did, you would be the center of a lot of attention. I do not wish that for you either. But I have to respond to what you have done.
You are among the last to leave. You look forlorn- you poor thing. I don't have the heart to be harsh with you, yet I would have to let you know what I think.
It is Valentine's day. When I reached my desk there was a pink card and a rosebud. Clearly the card was handmade and the rosebud from a home garden. I was touched when I read the card- Will you be my valentine?
I call out to you. You stop, look at me apprehensively.You shirt is scruffy and your tie askew. Your shoes have lost their shine. My heart melts. I bend down and give you a hug- " I will be you valentine for now and forever." You smile- showing the gap where your front two teeth should have been. "You are my favorite student and a very sweet boy. But there are other girls you should be giving cards to.", I say. You reply- "Oh but I already have- gave them cards I bought. But I made this card especially for you, my favorite teacher."
You are a smart boy at 8 yrs. Yes, you are!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The W's

# Why is it vain if I chose to put a profile picture that I look nice in? I clearly do not relish putting up a picture of sunset or a broken toenail, but if I do that is an artistic display picture?
# Why do strangers think it is funny to poke me?
# When unknown people send me requests do they really expect it to be confirmed?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Q

"Quizzing". I tell my friend the excuse to leave soon; I haven't watched the entire re-run of "The one in Vegas". Later perhaps. I reach the venue about five minutes before it starts. I have no partner. I see you looking for one. But I do not approach you. You ask around and understand I do not have a team-mate. You come to me. "Will you be my team-mate?" I am determined to win this quiz, so I say yes.
I know you are very good at quizzing. I have seen you at a lot of contests. I have seen you win many of them, I win most of them. So you know I am good at it too. We do well in the first round- a written one. You have a lovely handwriting, even lovelier hand. But I am determined to win this quiz. There is a small break before the final results are announced for the final 8. You ask me to come to lunch with you. I say no. I am determined to win this quiz.
We are on stage. You whisper questions into my ears. I ignore them. You are puzzled, I can see. You try smiling at me when you say the right answer. I do not smile back. You are elated when your guesses turn right. You turn to give me a high five but I am glowering at you. Our hands fumble for the buzzer, I hit it and bark out the right answer. You are blushing but I do not even glance at you. We win. You have no more smiles to give and are plastic to anyone congratulating you.
They hand out the certificates and money. Woohoo! Money! I turn and see you walking away. I slap my forehead. I forgot..I run the few feet separating us and touch you. You turn unwillingly. "Coffee?, I ask.
You are stunned. A tentative yes from you. I start my bike and you hesitate to get on. I nod my head to make you get on.
At the coffee shop you are quiet. You want to ask me. Your unvarnished nails glint as you swirl the straw in the coffee. Here it comes. "Why weren't you answering me? Why were you so aloof? Is it because you did not want to be my team mate? Why then ask me to coffee?"
I look at you. The reason why I lost "many" quizzes. "You are a distraction you know. I was determined to win this quiz." You look struck; tears in your eyes. I hasten to explain " I did not want you telling our children that their father lost his first quiz with mom because he was too busy thinking how breathtaking she looks up close."
You eyes widen, you understand and you blush. Now this one, I definitely am looking at!

#72

I like arguing with myself. That way I know exactly what I am going to say and I win any way.

P

"Precious", you say. Well that is what you say now. I have been coming here for 3 weekends now. The first weekend you did not want to even help me. You came and asked me what I want but you excused yourself before I could finish. I could hear you quietly talking to your friends about me.
It is a huge step for me too. I have never been this happy and sure ever before in my life and I just want to just jump into it. The first time I came here I simply walked and stared at all of it. I wanted to be able to breathe the smell in, take in the wonderful sights of all that white. I wanted to feel each one. It may have looked creepy too, I know, to see me do that. I was exhilarated and could not care less. I look at myself in the mirror- tired and weary. I also tuck a few wayward strands of grey behind my ears.
I came in the second time and you were still eyeing me from across the room and then approached me after 10 minutes, when you knew I was not about to leave. I had to tell you my story the third time for you help me whole heartedly. But to your credit, once you knew what I wanted and what I was upto, you put in your all and helped me find it.  You are one talker! Yes sir!! I was soon telling you my life story as we searched for the perfect one. In those few hours I have shared with you, things that I haven't even known I wanted, desired. You peeled away one inhibition after another until I was totally raw and genuine.
I am wearing it.  Puffed sleeves, white beads on the neckline and lace on the full skirt; it comes with a train. I absolutely adore it and you think its precious too. I am getting married for the first time in a month. I am 43 years old. I feel nervous about it. I smooth the skirt once, twice, thrice and look into the mirror and tell you this is not for me- the wedding and the dress. You come close to me- my beloved sales assistant. You tell me I look precious and that any man would want to marry me for who I am.
I then ask you to be my maid of honour. Tears shimmer in your eyes when you say yes!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

#213

Humidity does to the hair, what even the hairdresser can not do!

Friday, August 19, 2011

#9

Theorem- Beauty is only skin deep.

Proof- #Beauty is only skin deep.
           # Deeper than that it will hit the bones.
           # Everybody knows skeletons are scary.
           # Which means beauty did not hit the bone. 
           # This means beauty is only skin deep.

Hence the proof.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

O

"Occupation?", your pen stands still. You look at me. I open my mouth to answer but before that she answers the question.You look at me for approval. I nod the slightest of nods. You screw your face in concentration and write it down while your mother spells it out for you. You have never known me any other way nor seen me any differently.
You come back in the evening and hand me a note. It says that your teacher wants us to meet her. I look at your mother.I pray that there are no problems. She gives me an easy smile with a shrug like there is nothing to worry about. There is  nothing to worry about. I wince thinking of her parents' reaction when they understood what she was up to. My parents have all but disowned me. They don't usually talk to me in public. You have always wondered why grandma and grandpa don't smile as much when I am there.
We reach the Teachers room. The teacher comes out. She is astonished seeing me but manages to hide it well. We explain the situation at home. She understands now. She is baffled but she understands where we are coming from. Just then another teacher comes out and spots us She rushes over.
"Can I have your autograph?", she asks me. I oblige.
 I was an actor. But not anymore. Your mother used to stay at home- home maker they called her. It was fine for a woman to be a "domestic manager". But when she decided to pursue her dreams of business and politics, I readily gave up the tinsel world that I had reigned in, but grown tired of. Now they don't quite understand.
A stay-at-home Dad! You write that on your information sheet and your teacher wants us to meet her. I look at my wife, your mother- hoping that she will bring a change that people so need; in their thoughts, in their life, in the society. I full heartedly support her. And I relish my role as your father, the protector and the homemaker.
Yet some don't understand.

The W's

# Why do people say they have an email id, give it to us and also tell us they never check it or use it much?

#Why does the person before me in the queue always get the biggest slice of cake?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

N

"Ninja!". I smile. I had asked you a question and this was your answer. I have no idea how this will happen but that will be your answer no matter how many times I ask or how many ever ways I ask. I know your fascination with the ninjas. You think Ninja, you dream ninja. I also know that you have a lot of books about them and you wall has posters of cartoon ninjas. But you do consider the Ninja turtles juvenile.
You think ninjas are cool. But you don't quite understand the influence they have on you. They were your solace through your parents divorce when you were 7. You pretended that the ninjas would realize that you were a lost member and come and rescue you in the deep of the night. Even when they did not come you consoled yourself saying they probably thought you were too young. They were many instances, but your faith in them was never shaken.
You collect ninja artifacts. You learnt martial arts to keep the illusion alive. You scaled walls wearing that horrendous dress someone told you was Ninja-like. I had to persuade you to give them up and get dark jeans and t shirt. You still insisted on wearing the mask. The neighbor did mistake you once for a burglar and call the police. And was apoplectic when it turned out to be you. He does not acknowledge your presence since then and you try annoying him all the time.
When will you grow up? I have known you for two decades ever since your parents divorced and you moved in with your grandparents. I remember the shy boy you were. You refused to answer my questions. I was persistent though, asking you what were the figures you were holding. You heaved a huge sigh and answered - the same word you used now- ninja! And you have been answering a lot more questions with indulgent sighs all these years.  I am persistent. How else did I get you to marry me?
But this instance reaffirms that you are still the boy I knew and cherish. "What do you want our son to be when he grows up?", you ask me. I tell you he can be anything he wants. You sigh, that all knowing- smiling sigh and you say "Ninja". I hold my faith and peace.
Our son is only two weeks old. He has a lot of time to grow. Ninja he shall be.

#28

Women don't really need another person to converse. They have enough on their minds to argue, debate, fight and reconcile- with themselves.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

M

Misery! All I felt was misery. Bone-tiring, back breaking misery. I know the reason. The reason is now looking at me. Ready to shout at the least slack. I feel so miserable. For all this, I can not talk about this to anyone. Not even to my dearest husband. He smiles and laughs with me but he will not understand this if I told him. He would pat my back and ask me to take it in the stride.
You point at me and ask me to come forward. You open your mouth and tell me am no-good. That I am not putting any effort into it. You are cruel in your assumption and you are cruel in voicing your opinion. It's taking my entire will not to break out into tears and yet you don't quite seem to care. I still remember the first day you saw me. You said you had your work cut out. I did not mind then, your tone, that which now seems mocking.
When you run into my husband, you smile at him and exchange pleasantries. You see my son and make funny faces to make him smile. You see me and you bark- "Harder, faster".
I am tired. I lay awake every night thinking how the next day will go. And only rarely do I think of not returning. You agree I am motivated and even closer to my target, but you still want me to put more effort. I look at the results, you still look at the target. I am happy with the results, you are still looking at how much more we have left. And today is the day- we weigh in our effort!
"Drop it and give me twenty", you say. I promptly lie down and start with the first of the twenty push-ups! My muscles scream, there are tears in my eyes. The last five are sheer torture. You shout near my ears- "Three..Two and One." I am done. I fall flat on my face out of breath. Only 5 seconds; you are pulling me up.
We go the weighing machine. The target was 55 pounds. And I know we are closer to that than we were at the beginning. I stand on it and close my eyes. The efforts of six long months...
And nothing. I turn and look at you. You are grinning- for the first time since I met you, grinning and pulling me in for a hug! "You lost 57 pounds" you say.
I am thrilled. But for now, I will be content with falling to the ground.

L

"Lights out". I can not see in the darkness. But I know what to do. I have planned it all well. I have rehearsed it so many times mentally. I can not afford to go wrong. I get this one chance. Once chance- I hope this works.
The bulbs outside my cell are glowing dimly. I can make out your shape in the the cell diagonally opposite to mine. I reach deep inside me for the hatred for the person you are now. It is a little hard for me to become someone like this but this has to be done. I have tried all the other ways and this one seemed to be the only one to bring out the hatred in me. I hate you for the smugness you show to the warden. I hate you for making this prison your home away from home; you don't seem to have missed a single beat in carrying out your shady deals. I hate that the other prisoners move away from you and treat you with deference- you are a criminal not the King! Above all I hate you because you destroyed everything in my life that I held and loved.
I take out the knife from underneath my mattress. I stealthily approach you. I also have the key duplicate that I made out of the key from the warden's keyring. The warden takes 5 minutes to do his rounds around the block. I try the lock. It is putty in my hands and just falls open.
I sneak out slowly and come to yours. I have told you all this while that we should be making the run together. You anticipate me and I see you become still. You don't know my plan yet. I use the key again to open this one but I have some problem. I think of calling it but then it opens. Better this way!
I come in. You are still lying down. I come closer, taking my knife slowly..very slowly. And with the speed of lightning I am upon you. You writhe and are strong. But it's a little lesser than what I expected. I look around and raise the knife and plunge it into you.
Once! Twice! Thrice..My shirt is bloodied. My hands are shaking badly. I come out of the cell. I lock it. And right when I turn the lights come back on. Caught!! I am stunned...And ecstatic.
"And cut!...Good job. I knew method acting would work for you." The director says. I turn and look at you. All the hate I felt- it was so hard to bring it out at all. You slowly come out of the cell. You pat me and say , "An Oscar, my son! And you deserve this one too." Thanks father, after all it is your blood that flows in me and your genius that I share!

Monday, August 15, 2011

#240

When two strollers with babies come into a deadlock, the stroller with the younger infant is allowed forward first. If they are both the same age, then the girl is let by first. If they are both girls, then the prettiest one is let by. If they are both boys, it is suggested both wait until one tires down!

K

"Karaoke night today" says the banner. The bar has similar announcements outside too. I stare at them, you don't need them. You are a star all by yourself. The regular patrons of the bar know you well. You always come on karaoke nights. And noone ever wants to sing after that. I have to do it today. Once you start singing the entire bar falls quiet. Some new customers are stunned to hear you sing. I have to do it today.
You sing a lot of songs. There are so many requests. You laughingly oblige them all. One fellow suggests you come home with him and sing him to sleep and promptly falls face down- too much to drink already.You sing new songs. You sing old songs. You clearly know some songs by heart, because I see you pouring your heart and soul into it.
You are beautiful. You have finished all the songs you came to sing. You step down and take a deep breath before admirers surround you. You navigate them all beautifully. A joke here, a smile there and a laugh now. You are out of the crowd. And you always sit at the same table- towards a corner in semi-darkness.
I approach you. You sense me and look at me. Those silver eyes. Haunting.
 I knew you once. I loved you, your voice. I was one among the many. Everyone remembers the accident- that left you scarred, that left you blind. I still loved you. And then you vanished. Without a trace. They searched for you- your family, your friends, the media. You disappeared.
20 years have passed by.Your father is now dead, even your family has given up-but not me. I approach you. You think its the waiter and smile ask for water. I say your name. You go still for a second. My world then lights up. You remember. You stumble out of the chair and hug me.
You also whisper- "You were my favorite step-mother! I listened to the news.It was never you fault.I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I am sorry for letting them blame you."
I tell you its ok. You are here and that is what matters, my daughter.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The W's

# Why are reality stars more popular than movie stars?

# What is being famous for being famous? Does it mean I could get famous too if I were famous?! What sense does that make?

J

"Jam",  a curt word. I look up and see your head down. I pass the jam. I look at the boys. They pretend to eat their breakfast with their noses almost touching the bowl. I can see their glimmering glances at the both of us. They are badly in need of a haircut but that's a trial in itself because they want to grow out their hair like David Beckham did. I am not going to give them a bath when they come home with lice. That's for later though.
I look back at you. You are still looking at your plate, so diligently applying the jam on your toast.I clear my throat. I start to speak but you cut me off with a glance. They snicker. I hush them with a glance which says they better concentrate on putting the spoon from the bowl into the mouth or else...I turn to you again. I gulp once and try again. I should have known when we started it yesterday, I should have pulled back. But you egged me on. I admit, I could have given up but I was too caught with the boys yelling and shouting. I murmur, "Sorry".
But you pretend to not heard me at all. You still persist in being childishly angry. I thought you might be more grown up. Well, I am going to have to roll up my sleeves and really get into it! And then you say- "You started it!" The boys now don't even glance at their bowls, they are keenly looking at how this is going to play out. I am indignant. I did not start this. You started it when you said I shouldn't have taken the boys to the park. And you say you were justified in getting angry because it was a dark and unsafe place.
That is when you said I couldn't take care of myself. This is where it actually started. I proceeded to show you how strong I was. I did a couple of chops and swept your feet. And you fell! And you haven't spoken to me since.
I am trying to apologize. Maybe I am doing a bad job. But the you look up and smile. The smile grows, and we are laughing. It is infectious. The boys are now laughing. It turns to howling and all of us have tears in our eyes because of laughing so hard. You say, "You are good."
I pull you up and lift you, my husband, up into air. You are still laughing. I search the walls. The walls that have numerous certificates, pronouncing me winner and expert, a champion in weight-lifting and martial arts.
Or maybe you aren't eating enough!!  

Friday, August 12, 2011

I

"India! India! India!" you chant under your breath. Ever since we switched on the TV, your patriotism has been unwavering. And with each obstacle crossed, your determination increases. I feel the heat of the fever. You called in sick today. But the minute you knew what was happening, you huddled on the couch with a cup of cocoa and you haven't moved from that place yet.
You say India is the best competitor. You also start speaking Cricket terms- something you do when you are incredibly excited. Batting, bowling and fielding. You say India is in top form. I agree. But I support my country Australia and you give me a bleak look as if I should know better. Well, I am Australian. I am going to support my country through and through- Australia is in great form too!
Ever since you knew India was in the Final Five, you have been cherishing a long dream to come true. Then the Final Three- Australia, India and South Africa. It is then announced that South Africa comes third. You jump for joy and start waving that flag, you keep on the refrigerator, around. You are also chanting again, doing the jungle dance. I am truly afraid now.
"And the Miss Universe is ......India"!! The woman in the TV is crying, so are you.Batting her eyelids now, bowling over all the judges and fielding questions from the media now. You hug me as if to console me and pat me twice in the back. And you look back at the TV and wave the flag again. One has got to love your patriotism- in whichever form you exhibit it!

H

"Hello..." The voice is breathless. Its you.. I know. I can see you now, even as we speak. Twisting the buttons on your shirt, rearranging the pens on your table, adjusting the monitor very slightly. Your habits have become so familiar to me. You check if it is a good time to speak. I smile and say yes. Then...bliss. I don't quite remember what we speak, but we do for a long time. The office boy comes in and asks me if I need to order lunch. I tell him my order and also I order for you. He knows our secret and offers me a cocky eyebrow. He is so precocious but a nice kid.
Romance is frowned upon in this office. And when it is between a senior level and middle level employee, there's always fireworks. We have been going steady for almost a year now. The last few weeks have become really hard. When all friends of ours bring their dates its hard for me to sit apart from you and merely quench myself through sight. And I think of how it started. It was a training session. I was late and also inattentive. You spotted that right away and pulled me aside after the training. Understanding that there was a personal reason you lent a sympathetic ear..a very sympathetic ear...a very beautiful ear!
Today is the day! We are going to make it public. One of us will be asked to resign for sure, So far, we have let that decision hanging. I come to your cabin across mine. You smile that anxious smile. I hold out my hand and you take it. We walk out proudly. Spotted! Once, twice...now everyone is looking. The GM sees us, promptly beckons us for the talk. Before he starts, you hand him a letter.Two stunned faces look at you.
He looks at you. "I appreciate your guts and determination. But as the only woman in this company, aren't you doing yourself a disfavor by resigning?" And you say with pride that only you can- " I am doing a favour to all other companies."
And you beam at me.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

#3

Murphy had it easy. All he had to was say those stuff..but we are the ones going through it..Bring him out here..him and his wise-ass mouth!

#38

I belch and my wife looks at me with disgust; my daughter burps and farts, my wife is delighted!! There's no pleasing these women, I tell you..

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

G

"God!!!", I breathe in ecstasy, "Is there nothing you can't do?" Every time I seek you, you have filled me with joy, wonder and peace. You have always shown me the way.Sometimes you take me directly to the answer, sometimes you let me search some more. I see the signs everywhere. You are growing powerful by the second, or as people now say, by the nanosecond!
I searched for a soul-mate, you showed me the way. I searched for a wife, you showed me the way. She believes in you too. But unlike me, she is the one who fears you. Me- I adore you. I worship you and thank you for all that you have done for me. You help me at work everyday; when my job is in danger, when I think all is lost I come to you and you have never failed me. You may not sometimes be forthcoming and I have to plead with you for mercy but you give in. And my wife- she believes in you too. She takes your name whenever something she does comes out beautifully. She tells her friends that you give her motivation by showing her others who have done wonderful things. You have chosen my friends well, even better how you have helped me find my lost ones. My parents have gotten used to you and understand why I praise you so much. They are confused but their heart is alright.
For all this, there are still disbelievers. People who think an entity should not hold so much power. They even contend that you are a figment of our minds. That the day when realization will hit us is not long now! There are others who think they are mightier. They come and they go. What was the line? "Men may come and men may go?!"
Did I say God?? Oh I meant Google!
Enough said.

The W's

#Why is Indian accent made fun of in foreign countries, yet in India an accent is considered sophisticated?

#Why do celebrities smile in their mugshots? They were arrested for DUI or possession of drugs...WHY ARE THEY SMILING?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

F

"First place goes to.." and they say my name. I hope secretly that they have forgotten the event or my name. But there's very little chance of that. I take a deep breath and go on stage. The Principal shakes my hand, pins the medal on my pinafore and hands me my certificate. And you are clapping the loudest with a grin plastered all over your face. You will never give up talking about me and my prize- I know that now.
I get down slowly and go back to my seat. I have a couple of other prizes to get too. They are not first prizes but you still clap even before they say my name. I should never have told you about the Prize ceremony but you would have known anyway and I thought I was strong. The Principal now tells me that I am extremely talented and should be proud of myself. No..I have heard it enough and more times. But that's the Principal, I smile and say thanks with great effort.
You are clapping even now..and giving me a thumbs-up too. I hate you now, like I have never hated you before. Competitions are precisely that- not a big deal!! But no, you will not agree. At least to rub this one in you will say what matters most is the winning! I know you come first too, but this is different you say. I try dragging on meeting you after the ceremony, talking to friends, checking their certificates. They all have to go, so do I.
I walk towards the three of you. Appa and Amma smile at me.
 And you, my elder brother, just pluck out that certificate and dance around them and say in a sing-song voice- "And the First Prize in Biscuit Eating competition goes to...you" and start clapping with a great enthusiasm that you have never showed on anything in your life. Yet you mean it in the sincerest form of appreciation.You ask me how many biscuits I had to eat, what kind they were, if I wanted seconds and went back after the race. Amma and Appa shush you but you pinch me and pull my hair and dance around me.
I know you love me and I love you too..but I still hate you.

E

Eggs- Check, Flour- Check, Tinsel- check. Ha! That is all I need. I am  so going to humiliate you. You are never going to live this one down. I am sure of that. You have constantly showed me up, sneaked about me and got me into trouble so many times, but not today, not this time.
And there you are.. among your friends. I see you hugging them, patting them, joking and winking.  Oh and those high-fives. I will show you. Those friends of yours... They readily agreed when I told them what I had in store for you. They suggested the tinsel, in fact. And you trust them so readily. Time to grow up, literally.
One of them tells you to get more beer. You want to give them a great party so you rush in to the house. And I rush out. I hand out the eggs, flour and the tinsel and we hide ourselves- behind trees, beneath the steps, behind the wall. All of us waiting..all of them waiting for my signal.
Annnnd you come out...I give a sharp whistle. All of charge out with out eggs flying. I see you are frightened. And a split second later- I see the realization. You start to run but it is to late. Eggs already pelt you-with their sticky insides coating you entirely.
Oh little brother of mine- it is too late. We are close and you hide your face. But strong hands pry you out and I take the first privilege of throwing the flour in your face. So many other hands smear the flour over the eggs goo. And I throw the tinsel on you. There you stand, my little brother- not so little anymore- graduating with honours from college. You look a mess but you are also laughing, hard with your hands holding your sides. And you hug me- hold me close, tighter a second before releasing me.
Our parents come out and we come closer for a picture. I put my arms around you- my festive brother- I am so proud of you.

Monday, August 8, 2011

The W's

Why do ducks swim in the swimming pool even if they have their own water?

Why do spiders choose the most inopportune of moments to crawl across the towel?

Why do photographs of tennis stars always have them itching or spitting or their faces distorted?

When people write LOL, are they really laughing out aloud?

Why does the dot on the "i" require a name?


Sunday, August 7, 2011

D

"Duet!! This duet will be sensational". My manager says. Or "our" manager says. I look at you and cringe internally. I hate him for foisting us together into this ruckus. I don't even like the way you look. I am sure you understand what I want to say but you intentionally evade my gaze. You look at our manager and look at him with those eyes. Those eyes that should look adoringly at me! I am the one you have to worship. I see the accusation in them. And this is all my fault.
I discovered your talent. I should be the one setting the rules. Yet you stand by listening to the words he says waiting to do his bidding. And look at the way he treats you..the clothes he makes you wear. The stunts he makes you pull. You feel guilty too, I can see it in the way you have bowed you head, they way you are constantly checking to see what my reaction is. But this is all my doing.
You know what I think, I think this is a load of crap. Each of us should be allowed to pursue our own dreams and in the way our passion leads. I come to a decision. Damn the manager and his money. Damn his rules. I am leaving, so are you. You sense the change in me and you look at me. I see the hope. I will not let you down.
"MY Dog and I are no circus shows. We deserve better. He deserves better. I am the one who discovered he could whine in rhythm. We entertained children and the homeless and those who needed a smile. I will not have money dictate my life or his. Come Cesar, lets go rock some tunes". All I get in turn is a gruff bark and a shake of a tail and sound thumping feet accompanying my footsteps.
And that is all I need.

#57


Its true when they say marriage is not just between two people it is between two families. And you wondered why the mobsters always called themselves The Family.

C

"Cotton Candy"!! Your eyes dance, there's a little skip in your step and you clap your hands with sheer joy. And this sight warms me. Today has not been a good day. But the blue, pink and yellow cotton candy never fails to cheer you up. You take a long time making up your mind about the colour you want to buy. Finally you settle on Blue. The vendor gives me an understanding smile. Thank god for such people.
You hold the paper bag in one hand and take mine in the other. I ask you how you will eat if your hand is not free and you put your face right into the bag and show me how it is done. So much for manners!
Today was not a good day. You refused to take your bath, refused to eat anything but your favourite Ghee-Dal-rice with potato chips. You refused to talk or smile at anyone.Only when I returned from the office did you even come out from under the bed. I think about happier times and I look at you and smile.
We have been married for 55 years. You are now 74 yrs old. I remember the woman-child I married, who became a woman, a mother and grandmother with grace and feminity. Everyone still talks about how regal you looked in a sari. All you wear now is a printed knee length gown. Your once raven black long hair has still some black in but is in a short bob. You wear no jewelry. The only indication that you are married comes from the kumkum on your forehead, that I smear everyday before I leave to the manufacturing plant.
We have our good days- the ones where you are the woman I loved and the bad days when you return to being a child that I have learnt to love.
Today was not a good day but I have my mind at ease now.I tighten my grip on your hand and we walk towards our home.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

B

"Bangalore".
My heart stops for a beat. The conductor wakes us all up. Here I am finally. The longest that I haven't spoken to you. 12 months. We have had our share of spats. I once remember not talking to you for a week. It was so silly I don't even remember the reason- maybe it had something to do with "that boy from office"- like you used to say. I sent you an email saying that I was coming to Bangalore and that I wanted to meet you. I hoped you would meet me..I prayed that you would meet me.
I get down from the bus. The conductor gives me a smile and helps me with my bags. I look around. Searching for you..my eyes are thirsty for your sight. We used to be best friends too- I remember all the times- sneaking off to a movie, calling in sick to our respective offices just to spend more time, me cooking the latest recipes that I had read...they were a lot of laughs. And there were a lot of tears. And I have so wanted to talk to you. And now here I am to see if you will help me understand and make it through.
I see you. You see me.
You run and I meet you halfway. I can see tears in your eyes- tears of joy!! You hold me with those same arms that nursed me when I was sick, held my cycle when I rode them for the first time. And you tell me-"Hasn't that boy told you anything. You never run when you are pregnant. Never even walk fast."
I understand your indignation on behalf of your grand child, Amma!! Oh I have missed you so much.
That boy has taught me a lot, in fact, he is the one who encouraged me to reach out to you He follows me-my husband. And you see him and offer him a smile. And you take my hands and we start walking.
And you say-"You are home. Enkitta thirumba vanduttiye di rajaathi!! Thank god, you are back" and you tighten your grip.

A

"Apple Juice, Please."
You hate Apples. I know that. And to see that distaste in your face makes me feel guilty of this situation. I sit across you in the restaurant and I wonder if there's a way to end this all easily.But we brought this one ourselves. All you had to do was say a word and I would have understood. Understood how much you are going through.Going through the highs and lows of life was one of the vows we took in our marriage. And I wonder if someone knew this would happen.
I hate Apples too. You know it. That's one of the things that brought us together. 
But the Doctor says its healthy, the Doctor says its good for the Baby! Our child..the to-be born wonder.
You do this everyday so as to never let me think am alone even in the slightest of ways...Drinking the juice that we hate so much- together..

And I love you for it!

Turmoils of the heart and mind


Thoughts that leaved me confused
Wondering what life holds for me
To offer what once was taken
To take away that was offered.
The acceptance of the offer was within my reach
That reach which widened when I chose
Leaving me with empty air
On the inside of me and within my hands.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

#26

Not combing your hair daily does not and never will mean the hair will stick longer to the head! What must fall will fall...this is the law of the Universe! (and Gravity)

The W's

Where's Megan Fox? Bring her back. Rosie is nice enough but the sizzling Fox is what we want..

Will the apes conquer the planet?

Why do my cookies burn?

What will happen in 2012??

#245



Never learn to drive a car from your husband. You will disagree on everything from driving routes, to changing lanes to parking spots. And when you fail the test he will be the first one to say “ I told you so”! Never give him a chance to be right..