Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Will work for food

The heat. I can feel the asphalt's heat despite my thick soled shoes, which is probably why I am feeling it way too much. I don't have a choice. The nights get cold, real cold. I'd rather brave the heat than the cold. My tongue is parched and my t-shirt sticks to my back.If I could see it, it would be drenched in sweat. I am murmuring to myself holding the placard in my hand. "God bless you. Help a needy soul".
I look at her by my side. She has been with me three years consecutively growing thinner. I can see her bones. She doesn't judge me. She looks good to me, but I like her plumper and well-fed than the starving bare bones look. I reach to touch her when a car pulls up. He drops a dollar. I thank them and smile. I know how I look to him. Broken decaying teeth, shaggy hair, dirty nails with the musty smell I seem to have developed.
I see the golden arches beckoning me. They have a meal for a dollar you know. Should I wait or should I buy a meal now? Another car pulls up, she drops a fiver. She wants to know our names, "Daisy" I point to the one beside me, "Duke", I point to myself. "Daisy Duke", I wink. The names change- they have been Bonnie and Clyde, Sonny and Cher, Marie and Pierre, Romeo and Juliet. Both of them look at each other, with amusement I think.
I walk across to the arches. I order two meals and two cups of water. I bring them out sit in the shade. I hold her  and look deep into her eyes and thank her for being my rock. She wolfs down the burger with the patty and spills the water out of the cup.
I borrow a pen from the girl at the counter and write on the back of the placard. I am not hopeful but you never know. "Will work for food for me and my dog".

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The Girl Who Knew Too Much

Dear Diary
You are such a treasure box to me. I read through the stuff in you almost once a week and look at the rewards I reap.
When J dropped me yesterday, I simply said "I know" and gave him a sweet smile and today he took me to the mall and got me the cutest pair of Jimmy Choos. I am looking at them now, maybe I should wrangle a nice little dress to go with it as well.
I saw the bus driver kiss the R from the cafeteria behind the gym.R should have been in class but guess she bunked it somehow. I would not have been there if not for the sounds.Boy! It was disgusting to look at. Although I waited for sometime before I let them know I was there. And I smiled that sweet smile. Now they know I KNOW!!
I saw my mom take some pills a few days back. If indeed she is trying to get pregnant with my stepfathers baby she shouldn't be taking those right! I went through her stuff and put the pill box on the drawer. She walked in on me and I smiled at her as well. Lets now see how I don't go on the Eurotrip everyone else is going.
Stepdad was watching some stuff on his laptop he shouldn't have been watching at ALL. Gross alert!! But now he knows I know..I haven't decided what I want yet out of that information but its good to have security! See I was paying attention to the class as well as the stuff that K was writing her about her brother. That is something I can use as well.
I can not wait for the stuff people do! Information is such power..I love it..I love you and I love me! Maybe I should give myself a cool name. How is this?
Yours...The girl who knew too much! XOXO

Thursday, August 27, 2015

#23

Pull a black hair out and you lose that follicle, but pull a grey one out and you get 3 hairs in its place!

Friday, August 21, 2015

Reconnecting

There is a private message on my Facebook page. I am curious as to who is sending me a message at this time of the night. It is her. She is not on my friends list, but managed to find me through mutual friends. My profile picture is my high school yearbook picture. That is when I felt at the highest.
I messaged immediately. She was the love of my life. We had four intense years together and after high school it became clear that we were meant for different purposes. I had grand schemes of opening my own business, she wanted a family, a house and a dog. Dead weight.
She wants to know if we can meet for breakfast. She will be passing through the town, our town, now my town. I say yes. She was a stunner back then. I had no way of verifying since her profile picture was some shot of a mountain and sun. I can't sleep. It has been two decades. Does this mean something?
In the morning, I get up and quickly wear my blue jeans and grey t-shirt. The t-shirt is one of many with Captain America's shield on it. I comb whatever is left of my hair and holler to my mom through the door on the way out.
There is a shiny Tesla parked near old trucks. I pull up my bicycle next to it. I walk in and  run out of breath. I see her brunette hair shining in the bleak morning light. I go behind her and say hi. She turns and I run out of breath again. She is still a stunner. She smiles but there is something in her eyes. I think, disappointment maybe. I sit down.
She asks me what I do. What happened to my plans? I still have grand schemes. I just like planning and dreaming better than actual implementation. She is married, no kids. A high paying salary. We hit a lot of awkward pauses. A lot. How are my parents, she asks. I live with my parents still, I say. Awkward pause. I scratch my belly absentmindedly. How long is she staying? She had originally planned on staying the day, but now she is just passing through. We sigh and look out of the diner. My mind is full of memories, the love, the intensity, the cooling. I'm kind of sure she is looking at me but is really seeing me as that teenager. That is when I felt the best.
She hasn't touched her breakfast, but asks for a refill of her mug. I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I look at myself in the mirror and see myself- balding, paunchy, ageing. I was best when I was a teenager.
I come back, the Tesla is gone. The steam in her coffee mug is still rising.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Anonymity

Anonymous, January 15, 2010
I would never ever step out in such a bizarre outfit. Why is she called a fashion blogger again?
Anonymous, March 21, 2011
What? Is this for real? We are supposed to believe you baked this with 3 children running about the house and one on the way? Y'all she is definitely lying.
Anonymous, June 24, 2014
Yikes. Go back into the house. That is no part of your body you should be showing the public! Disgusting, where do you learn your culture and traditions from? That is such a jelly belly and what ugly scars. Dont even think of coming out in that outfit for running, who wants to see all that shaking.
Anonymous, December 17, 2013
That is some disgusting painting. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO TALENT. Stop burning our eyeballs with those eyesores.
Anonymous, July 15, 2012
This is voice cloud not noise-cloud. You should not sing if you do not know how to sing. All orrible singing, off-key and tonedeaf. If you audition for American Idol, it will be nice to see the judges reaction to your horrible singing!!
Anonymous, September, 2010
This is such a shame. Dressing up a baby boy as a girl with wings and stuff, that boy is going to be messed up. This is why perversion is on the rise, because we encourage it to be.
Anonymous....
..............


That one!

We all have that one girl in our life who apparently seems to have it all.
The girl is super fun, smart and sassy.  She can do things with ease. New things she does easily and old things, she is an expert. She has no qualms about speaking her mind and people adore her for it. She is just as quick to apologize if she is wrong and people quickly forgive her. She is always full of positive things to say about you and even the negative ones seem constructive!
She can sing ,she can dance, she can play the piano and she can play the banjo. And she can make you dance and have fun. She is open minded about a lot of things and very traditional in a few. She knows the world affairs, she even knows who's the President of Fiji and can name all the moons of Saturn.
She is funny but her sarcasm is sharp. She is fit and she can run a marathon. She does Yoga everyday and watches Project Runway. She is good at math and can calculate discounts in a flash. She can bake, cook and barbecue without breaking a sweat.
We all have that one girl in our life who apparently seems to have it all. I hate this girl. I should hate this girl, but I love her, she is my best friend.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Broad strokes

I look around my kitchen. It looks clean. Everything has been put away after lunch, washed and dried. The leftovers packed away in boxes for tonight's dinner.The house is empty save for the sound of the grandfather clock. There is a gentle breeze that stirs the blinds and light plays hide and seek. I fall into the haze of the afternoon magic.
Not wanting to fall asleep, I walk out of the house into the backyard into the outhouse. That room has been locked for many years. As a newly wed bride, I stocked up on the usual supplies hoping to unleash my inner Saraswathi- paints, dyes, colors, brushes, canvases, oils. I became the Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva instead, of my own little world. My family grew, thrived and went away leaving me alone.
I tentatively step into the room. Dust has not gathered because I would periodically come in and clean everything up. I find the easel and the colors. My hand affectionately brushes the palette. My life has been a myriad of colors, from the warmest blue to the brightest yellow to joyous green and mournful black.
I hesitate before choosing my color. Red. Vibrant red. Life goes on. I start with small strokes, with an unsure hand. Then my instinct takes over. Broad strokes, broader strokes. Life goes on. The white vanishes from the canvas and is a mosaic of reds. I see myself in the red and the woman in the red is dancing. Life goes on.