The morning after

I check my shirt once again. No spots, no stains..that's good enough. I comb my hair with wet fingers. I sniff my arm pits. They don't smell. I spray some deodorant on for a good measure. I check the sky outside- blue and bright, like the way I feel. Happy and light.
I check my hair. A bad hair day. I pull it back in a ponytail and look at my dress again. I smooth out the creases and wrinkles and wonder if  I should change my dress. I go back and forth on my accessories and decide that I am fine with what I have on. I look outside. I hum a tune.
The guys are in a huddle...they spot me coming and wolf whistle. They slap me on my backs.
The girls all ooooh me when I sit down. They wink at me and giggle. I feel one coming up myself but restrain it.
She is right in front of me. Her hair is one silky waterfall. Her earrings twinkle in the light. The teacher is talking something about calculus but who is paying attention. I wish hard to get her to turn and she does. A small smile.
He is behind me. I feel shivers on my back. I know he is staring at me. I turn and give him a smile. I feel different and yet the same.
I can't wait for school to be over so we can do it again...maybe recess.
I can't wait for school to be over so I can be with him again..I am going to the prom with him..
She is hot.
I love him!!

Dearest...

I clench the phone tightly. I can hear the rings and dread the second I will hear your voice. You probably are doing the same on the other side. You pick it up. I whisper your name, you sigh. We both stay silent. I take a couple of deep breaths and I can not say anything except your name once again. My eyes are full of tears and I am choking.
When your name popped up on my chat window, I was grinning at the prospect of an awesome talk with my bestie. Instead you tell me you have lost your mom. And what kind of a friend am I to ask your number again and ring you.
I think of the times I was at your place, talking to you and your mom. Thinking of the laughter that we shared in the last visit. The way she put her hand on my head to bless me. Oceans seem trivial in front of the rush that makes me want to be near you.
I say I am sorry. And you ask me not to cry. I ask you to be brave and I promise I am here for you. I wish to heaven there were words that I can speak to tell you what I feel. I mourn your loss. I worry for your future. We repeat the same sentences over and over again and yet it makes perfect sense. I spend a sleepless night and I know your day wouldn't have been any better.
You are the bravest person I know, the prettiest mommy I know and the best friend a girl can have. And this is a promise to be right by your side..

#81

No good can actually come from looking at an old photo. It's either the hair, the weight or a hot sigh about the good old days.