Dearest...

I clench the phone tightly. I can hear the rings and dread the second I will hear your voice. You probably are doing the same on the other side. You pick it up. I whisper your name, you sigh. We both stay silent. I take a couple of deep breaths and I can not say anything except your name once again. My eyes are full of tears and I am choking.
When your name popped up on my chat window, I was grinning at the prospect of an awesome talk with my bestie. Instead you tell me you have lost your mom. And what kind of a friend am I to ask your number again and ring you.
I think of the times I was at your place, talking to you and your mom. Thinking of the laughter that we shared in the last visit. The way she put her hand on my head to bless me. Oceans seem trivial in front of the rush that makes me want to be near you.
I say I am sorry. And you ask me not to cry. I ask you to be brave and I promise I am here for you. I wish to heaven there were words that I can speak to tell you what I feel. I mourn your loss. I worry for your future. We repeat the same sentences over and over again and yet it makes perfect sense. I spend a sleepless night and I know your day wouldn't have been any better.
You are the bravest person I know, the prettiest mommy I know and the best friend a girl can have. And this is a promise to be right by your side..