Fear

Snaked up and down my spine. It clenched my heart and would not let go. I was afraid. Not for the first time and definitely not for the last time, I am sure. But at this moment, this fear was all that I could think. It was all consuming. I thought I could not breathe and looked left and right to see if people thought I was dead. Nobody paid any attention- nobody cared. So I assumed I was probably alive.

The water felt a little cold to my toes. A chill ran through my entire body. I shivered and got in deeper. I wished that I could just jump out of the water. Evolution had forgotten to give us that kind of lower body strength or wings so I stayed in there with my arms wrapped across my chest. The water slowly seemed to get warmer.

I decided to take a few test breaths inside the water. I counted to three and came gasping outside for the fear that if I stayed in too much I might drown. That was my fear- drowning. And it gripped me in a iron-hold.

I saw children frolicking nearby and wondered at the naivete of youth and age. I knew the hazards of drowning and thereby was more susceptible to its fear. I knew I would drown and no one would help. I was afraid.

I tried holding my breath again. This time I kept my eyes open.Everything was blurred.Time and my fingers counted faster than reality and I came gasping out. I still wanted someone to assure me that I won't drown. No one did. I was afraid.

I held the wall of the pool and let go of the bottom of the pool. My legs floated to the top. I faced down in the water and tried holding my breath. My eyes were closed. The counting seemed comparatively slower. 

I was still afraid, but I knew I would not drown anymore. It was but 3 feet of water. I assured myself.

And then I walked out of the pool. Enough for today. I can crusade against my fear tomorrow.