The wait

I didn't say thanks to the lady next to me in the bus for scooting over. I always say thanks. And today at the office, I did not wish anyone good morning. Neither did I feel like sharing my lunch with my colleagues. It was an Indian dish, a particular favorite among my colleagues. In fact, I did not even go to the lunch room, just shoved the tasteless mash into my mouth. My work was very precise today; my mails too.
And I blame it all on the call. That one call that changed my life and just flipped it. I checked the mirror this morning if my grays were showing, or if my teeth were stained. I just wanted to presentable. Very presentable. I can not wait for the clock to strike 5.30. I am out like a gunshot, everyone just glances at me in surprise. But today is important.
I cleaned the house twice yesterday and vacuumed once last night. There are fresh flowers everywhere. I am totally breathless. I am breathing but my heart is so still and yet beating. My hands are cold and I pump them. I don't want to drop anything or anyone.
I have faced numerous taunts about a broken belly for years. The tears were hot. And that call changed my life.There were moments when I doubted if I was upto the task, if I deserved it. It felt really weird to childproof an apartment that had- for the exception of spare furniture- laid barren. I was making lists; there was actually green stuff in my refrigerator and not just cans and cartons. It was a great feeling. It was a home.
I hear the bell ring. I am going to meet my son. I am going to be a mother..The wait is over.